Hand jobs are underrated. While they are a stable of teen sexual exploration, they decline in popularity for most people once they start enjoying insertive sex. This is a shame!

Hand jobs are a great way to prolong sexual play, to build up intensity, to foster closeness between partners, and to help people with penises get more comfortable in their own body.

This guide will provide you with all the tools and techniques you need to give a great hand job! From communication to techniques, to the best lubes, we have you covered.

Performing One Ring hand job technique

How to give a great hand job - a general theory

Communication is key

Every person with a penis enjoys a unique combination of strokes, pressures, eye contact, and sounds during a hand job. As a partner performing a hand job, you are not going to know what the other person wants unless you ask them! 

Try talking about what they want as a form of foreplay. When you are in bed (or on the couch, or other sexy location), ask them how they like to be touched during a hand job.

Better yet, ask them to show you.

If your partner is unsure where to start with this conversation, try asking the following questions:

  • How firm do you want the pressure during a hand job?
  • Does the level of firmness desired change with your level of arousal?
  • Do you prefer stroking or twisting action?
  • Do you like your balls touched?
  • How do your feel about having your butt played with?
  • Would you want to try a sex toy during a hand job?
  • Do you have a favorite lube for a hand job?

Communication needs to continue during your hand job. Ask for feedback. Ask if they want firmer or gentler pressure. Ask them if they want different body parts touched. Ask them how aroused they are. Many people are not comfortable giving feedback when it is unsolicited.

By asking them during your play, you will get more information to improve your technique.

If your partner is quiet during a hand job, this is not necessarily an indication something is wrong. Not every person is vocal during sex. If your partner has had to be quiet for a lot of sexual encounters because they have children in the house, or roommates, or parents they may not be comfortable with vocalizing during sex.

Other people have a natural tendency to focus inward and become quiet when they are experiencing a lot of pleasure.

If your partner is not much for giving feedback during sex, remember to ask questions and check in with them. Talk to them about how they like to respond during sex.

Some people will be okay with answering questions, some prefer yes/no questions, others may be comfortable with moaning appropriately.-

Nonbinary and trans partners

If your partner is nonbinary or trans and has a penis, hand jobs can trigger body dysmorphia. Asking them how they feel about hand jobs before you try one is important. Just because a partner has a nonbinary or trans identity will not automatically mean they do not want a hand job.

Understanding when and how they like their penis stimulated is critical to maintaining a healthy sexual relationship.

If your partner is genderfluid, their comfort with their body and having their penis stimulated will fluctuate. Understanding what headspace they are in and their current comfort level with their own body will influence how they engage in sexual activity.

If they want to experience a hand job, ask them what you should call their penis. Many people with nonbinary identities will prefer alternative terms for penis which help affirm their gender identity.

Get familiar with the anatomy

The more you understand the anatomy of a penis and the general area, the more you will understand where and how to touch your partner (and possibly yourself).

The exterior of the penis is composed of the bulb (also known as the head), the foreskin (may be removed on circumcised people), the cornice (the ridge at the base of the bulb before the shaft), the shaft, and the scrotum and testicles.

If a foreskin is present, it will cover the bulb of the penis. As the penis engorges, the foreskin will retract and expose the head of the penis.

If the person is circumcised, the foreskin is removed, and the head will be exposed. The cornice is often more pronounced in circumcised people.

The urethra runs through the center of the penis and is the tube which carries both urine and semen. The perineal area is behind the scrotum and in front of the anus. The anus is the opening to the GI tract. The prostate is a gland located behind the penis and under the bladder. It can be accessed through the rectum, about three inches in and up toward the belly.

The base of the penis extends from the shaft into the body. The tissue of the root of the penis can be stimulated through the perineal area. For some people, this can be very pleasing.

The prostate is a walnut sized gland. It can be stimulated through the anal wall. It is located about three inches inside the anus and up toward the belly. The area behind the prostate inside the anal wall will feel spongy. Stimulating this area with pressure and stroking can intensify orgasms for people with penises.

The pubis is the area above the penis. This area is colloquially called the FUPA or mound. While this does not contain erectile material, it can be stimulated as part of a great hand job.

When you are playing with a new partner or someone who is having sex with other people as well as you, you should check the area for visible sores.

Some people may not be aware they have genital warts, herpes, or open sores in this area. If you see any sores, you should ask your partner about them before continuing with sexual activity.

Taste and smell

Penises will all have a smell and taste. Nobody’s genitals smell like roses! Most penises will smell some combination of earthy, musky, salty, and resemble the person’s body odor.

If your partner smells like something is rotting or the smell is very strong, this can be a sign of infection. You may want to wait on a hand job until they get it checked out by a medical professional.

Additionally, if their genitals smell fruity or sweet, this can be a sign they have diabetes.

If you move beyond a hand job, you will discover penises have a taste. Many taste of salt, umami, or an earthy flavor. If you find the flavor off-putting, having them shower or wash the area prior to sex may improve the taste and smell.

Safety first

Hand jobs are not risk free. There is a very small chance that if your hands are chapped or injured and your partner has an open sore or a break in the skin (e.g., a nick from shaving), you could possibly exchange a bloodborne illness. If your hands are rough, chapped, or injured, you may scratch their genital area which can be a place an infection can enter. This can lead to things like boils.

Make sure your nails are filed and your cuticles are trimmed prior to a hand job to make sure there is nothing to irritate or nick your partner.

If you are worried about the shape your hands are in or if you have a cut or wound, wearing nitrile or latex gloves during a hand job can keep you and a partner safe. Gloves will also allow for a smoother hand job overall.

Your hands can elevate the handjob experience (taking good care of your hands)

 

Lube is the key to mind-blowing handjobs

Lube is important for all sexual activity. This is doubly true for hand jobs! Start with lube and continue to add it as needed throughout the hand job.

Selecting a lube for a hand job is a combination of understanding what is desired and what other activities you will be engaging in during the session.

Hybrid lubes and water-based lubricants designed for hand jobs are the best choice. If you plan on engaging in oral sex as part of your play, selecting a lube designed to be consumed is a good plan.

Intimate Earth Hydra Lube is a fantastic water-based option for hand jobs. The use of naturally slick and viscous ingredients (e.g., aloe, cellulose) makes it long lasting.

Another great thing about this lube is that it does not get tacky as it breaks down! It absorbs into the skin and will not leave a greasy residue on the sheets.

If you plan on incorporating oral sex, choosing a lube designed to be orally consumed is a great idea! Intimate Earth offers a line of natural lubricants which can be consumed safely.

Try the nectarine flavor or strawberry flavor for a lovely addition to your sexy time. These lubricants contain aloe, stevia, gogi berry, and other plant-based ingredients.

Other brands of lubricants may provide the sensation you are looking for. Sliquid Sea offers a lube which contains seaweed, nori, and aloe creating a very viscous and durable water-based lubricant.

This is a wonderful option for hand jobs as well as many other types of sexual activity.

It is a good idea to get the lube out at the beginning of your encounter and keep it nearby so you can access it easily throughout your play. It can also be helpful to put lube into a hand soap dispenser to easily pump the lube as needed.

Some hand soap dispensers offer a warming option which can add an extra pleasing sensation to a hand job.

There are several options for applying lube during a hand job. You can begin by putting the lube in your hand and then applying it to your partner’s penis and other body parts. Try drizzling the lube directly onto your partner’s penis and mound. Applying extra lube to their mound or belly will allow you to spread it around and incorporate more body parts into your hand job.

Try putting the lube in your partner’s hand and then place your hands on top of theirs. Allow them to guide you though giving them a hand job. Have them show you how they like to be touched and how to adjust the pressure as they become aroused.

Scavenger hunt #8: clue12off.

Apply lube at the back of the scrotum and in your hands. Massage the balls and shaft as you work your way forward and toward the head. This is a great way to get the entire genital area well-lubricated while stimulating your partner at the same time.

Include yourself in the hand job. Apply lube to your breasts or chest. Have your partner touch you and enjoy the slick feeling, rubbing the lube over your nipples, breast, chest and belly as you give them a hand job. They may also want to play with your genitals while you give them a hand job.


 If you decide to buy lube in our store, use the code HANDJOBMASTER to get a 30% discount. You can use the code once.

 

Feel free to share with friends and partners to allow them to get the 30% discount as well.

Using spit instead of lube

Can you just use spit? Sure.

Spit is great in a pinch. It is definitely better than nothing.

However, spit breaks down quickly and is often limited (especially if you have chronic dry mouth). Lube will always be the best option when you are aiming to give a great hand job!

What is the right amount of pressure and speed?

The best way to find the right amount of pressure for your partner is to ask them! 

However, here are some tips that can help you along the way.

  • Use a firm but gentle grip when starting out.
  • Penis-owners often like a steady stroking pace.
  • Be gentle while touching the sensitive head of the penis.
  • Using lube will ridiculosuly enhance the feeling for the receiver.
  • Using lube will also make giving handjobs easier.
  • You can give a penis a real tug. It really depends on a person receiving the handjob, but in most cases, it's okay grab it like you mean it.

Handjob techniques

The key to giving a great hand job is using a series of techniques and varying the pace and pressure during play. Pay attention to how your partner responds to different pressures and techniques. Watch their face and body language to gauge their arousal.

You may also want to close your eyes occasionally and pay attention to how turgid their erection becomes as you change your stroke.

[Each of the movies below use the Femme Fun Turbo Baller Dildo]

1. The Basic

Take your partner’s shaft in your hand and form a gentle fist and stroke up and down the shaft. Vary your pace and firmness of your grip.

When you reach the tip, use your thumb and index finger to surround the head and squeeze the tip as you stroke.

Many people with penises will enjoy increased pressure as their erection become stronger. However, this is not true for all men, so remember to ask.

Handjob technique #1: The Basic

2. Base Polishing

Use your index finger and thumb to form a circle around the base of your partner’s penis. Stroke up and down along about an inch of the shaft.

As your work the staff, add a second and third finger and increase the length of the stroke.

Continue to put the most attention on the base of the penis.

Handjob technique #2: Base polishing

3. The Cross

Using your nondominant hand, place is parallel to your partner’s erection. Use your dominant hand to hold your nondominant hand to the penis. This will make a cross of your two hands.

Stroke up and down the shaft. This move allows for increased coverage and pressure along their penis.

Handjob technique #3: The Cross

4. Polishing the Head 

Hold the shaft in one hand. Using your other hand, rub and squeeze the head of the penis.

Some people enjoy their partner using the palm of their hand to cup and rub the head of their penis.

Handjob technique #4: Polishing the head

5. Fingertip Magic

For this technique, begin with the fingers of one hand together in a ''chef’s kis'' position.

Place the tips of the fingers on the head of the penis and run all five fingers over the head down toward the shaft as you open your fingers to cover the head of the penis.

When your palm reaches the tip of the penis, draw your fingers back up toward the tip of the penis.

 Handjob technique 5/24: Fingertip magic

6. The Firestarter

This is a two-handed technique.

Using the palm of each hand, place them on the sides of your partner’s erection. Gently rub the penis between your palms in a back and forth motion, mimicking the motion you would use to rotate a stick in order to start a fire.

Because this technique involves twisting motions, go slowly and keep the pressure on the lighter side. Too much twisting, or two rough, can injure the penis.

Make sure to check in with your partner to see how they are enjoying it.

Handjob technique #6: Firestarter

7. The King (voted favorite)

This is a head-intensive move.

Using one well-lubricated hand, stroke down and then back up the shaft. When you reach the head, rotate your wrist and pull your hand over the top of the head.

With your wrist in the reversed direction, stroke down and then back up. Rotate back to the original position and repeat.

Handjob technique #7: The King

8. The King Alternate

Instead of stroking up and down the shaft, like you would do in the previous technique - keep your movements on and close to the head of the penis.

Combine The King and The King Alternate for a true handjob heaven.

Handjob technique #8: The King Alternate

9. Heartbeat Checker

Wrap your hand around your partner’s shaft with your thumb on the underside.

Begin this move by rotating the tip of your thumb under the cornice of the penis. Press firmly as you rotate.

After you a few rotations, stroke the shaft. Then return to rubbing the shaft just under the cornice.

 Handjob technique 9/24: Heartbeat check

10. Hold Tight

This is a two-handed technique which is a great choice for people who enjoy heavy pressure during a hand job. Grip the shaft with both hands and then stroke up and down.

Handjob technique 10/24: Hold tight

11. Heartbeat

As in last technique, begin by lubricating both hands with a good bit of lube. Interlace your fingers and then wrap your hands around your partner’s shaft

Gently squeeze your hands in order to stimulate the penis. Optionally, you can move your hands up and down, gently stroking the penis.

Handjob technique #11: Heartbeat

12. Invite the Boys

This is a two-handed technique which stimulates the balls and the shaft. Lubricate both hands.

With your dominant hand, cup the balls and rub them gently. Use your nondominant hand to stroke the shaft. You may rotate your wrist so that your thumb is facing the balls.

This will allow for straight up-and-down strokes as well as twisting strokes.

Handjob techniques #12: Invite the boys

13. The Knock-Knock

For people who enjoy having their penis slapped against a face, or thighs, or other body part, this is a great technique! Using one or two fingers, hold them parallel to the base of the penis. Tap the underside of the penis near the frenulum (just below the head on the underside).

Tapping rhythmically will provide the most pleasing sensation.

Handjob techniques #13: The knock-knock

14. Fast and slow

This technique is a rather simple one - the goal here is to build excitement and then to slow down. Alternating between fast and slow will eventually help build up orgasm strength.

Handjob technique 14/24: Fast and slow

15. The Magic Touch

If you have ever been professionally massaged, this will be a familiar technique.

It is a wonderful way to warm up your partner and begin a hand job. Hold both hands, fingers downward pointing at the top of your partners penis.

Keep your fingers loose and gently run them along the sides for the penis. 

Handjob technique #15: The magic touch

16. Massage

Lube up both hands. Interlace your fingertips. Wrap your hands around their penis with your thumbs on the underside.

Run your thumbs up and down the shaft, pausing to massage the base of the head before returning to massaging the shaft.

Use your interlaced fingers to stroke along the top of the shaft as your thumbs massage underneath.

Handjob technique #16: Massage

17. One Ring

Make an ''O'' with your thumb and index finger. Begin at the top of the shaft and stroke downward. You can increase and decrease the diameter of the ring to change the pressure your partner experiences. You will also want to increase and decrease the speed of the strokes to alter the stimulation your partner feels.

Handjob technique #17: One ring

18. Two Rings

Using both hands, make an “O” with each thumb and forefinger. Place both “O” around the shaft. Stroke and twist the rings in opposite directions. This techniques allow you to alternate the pressure of both rings to create a variety of sensations.

Handjob technique #18: Two rings

19. Petting

This is a two-handed technique which is a great way to warm up a partner.

Alternating your left and right hands, grasp the shaft toward the top of the penis and stroke downward to the base of the shaft. As one hand reaches the base, the other grasps the top and strokes downward.

This technique can be used with a slow pace to allow your partner to linger and enjoy the feeling or more quickly to increase the stimulation.

Handjob technique 19/24: Petting

20. The Prayer

Use both hands and cup them around the shaft and head on both sides of the penis, like a clam shell surrounding the penis.

Stroke up and down in the same direction.

Handjob technique #20: The prayer

21. The Rainfall

This technique is great to provide full shaft stimulation.

Using one hand, use your thumb and rub small circles along the underside of the shaft. Use the fingers of your other hand to gently tap the upper side of the shaft.

This technique requires you have the ability to do different motions with both hands. You may want to practice this for a while before trying it if you have limited dexterity.

Handjob technique #21: Rainfall

22. Roofing

This is a great technique for people who enjoy a lot of stimulation of the head of the penis. It is also great to use toward climax as it stimulates the areas most people need in order to orgasm.

Lubricate both hands. Begin by placing both palms along the shaft in the “prayer” position (above). Stroke up and down. Slowly rotate your hands until both are perpendicular to the shaft. Using the hand closer to the top of the penis, make an ''O'' with your thumb and forefinger.

Run the ''O'' firmly over the top of the penis while maintaining the rest of the hands wrapped around the shaft and stroking.

After some stroking in this position, return to the prayer hands and continue to stroke.

Handjob technique 22/24: Roofing

23. Salsa Dancing

This is a two-handed technique. Lubricate both palms well. Place one hand above the other on the shaft. Gently rotate each hand while stroking up and down. You may twist both hands into the same direction or in opposite directions. 

Because this technique involves a twisting action, keep your grip fairly loose.

Holding too tight while twisting can result in the sensation of an ''Indian burn'' we used to give each other in grade school, which would be quite painful.

Handjob technique #23: Salsa dancing

24. Upper body massage

Great technique to massage your partner's penis and at the same time build excitement and orgasm. 

Use one hand to stroke your partner's shaft and the other to gently massage the frenulum and the area around it.

You can alternate using all your fingers to massage the entire head and using your thumb or thumb and index finger to massage the head of the penis.

Handjob technique 24/24: Upper body massage

Combining the techniques is the key to success

If you want to give your partner the best possible handjob experience, combine the techniques listed above. And while The King & and The King Alternate have been voted favorite techniques, all other techniques are amazing too. 

Alternate between them and give your partner an experience they won't forget.

What to do if my hand(s) get tired? 

Hand jobs require a lot of fine muscle movement of your hands.

If you are not a piano player, masseuse, or other profession which requires a lot of hand strength, you will likely end up with a tired hand. 

At this point, the best solution is to tranisition to a new activity.

You can say something like:

  • How would you feel about stroking yourself while I kiss ____?
  • I would like to go down on you if that's okay with you.
  • It would be really hot to wach you use a toy on yourself.

Other things you could do

Just because you are giving a great hand job does not mean you have to finish with a hand job. There are plenty of different sexual activities which you can pivot to in order to keep having fun but give your hands a rest.

From oral sex, to rimming, to having your partner stimulate you, there are plenty of ways to give the hands a break and keep having great sex.

Play with the Balls

Remember to play with their scrotum and testicles. Most people with penises enjoy a gentle cupping or squeezing of the scrotum. Use one hand to cup the scrotum and gently squeeze while your other hand strokes the shaft.

Pay close attention to your partner’s body language while playing with the scrotum. People vary widely in the amount of pressure and stimulation they enjoy in this area. If you are unsure, ask for feedback.

Try feeling for the testicles through the scrotum. Some people enjoy having each testicle stroked or squeezed separately. Run your thumb over each testicle and gently pull on the scrotum to stimulate your partner.

If you are comfortable engaging in oral sex, try licking or gently sucking the scrotum while stroking or holding their shaft.

If your partner has pubic hair on their balls, be aware that you may end up with a hair or two in your mouth.

You can remove this with your fingers or try licking their belly to redeposit the hair onto your partner.

Prostate massage and handjobs

Outer massage

This is the area between the base of the penis behind the scrotum and in front of the anus. The root of the penis is located under the skin in this area.

Many people enjoy gentle to moderate pressure. Use the tips of two fingers or two knuckles to apply a bit of pressure along this area.

For people who have difficulty keeping an erection, this type of stimulation can be especially helpful.

Inner massage

If your partner is comfortable with anal stimulation, adding a bit of anal play to a hand job can greatly increase the pleasure your partner experiences.

Rub a lubed finger around the outside of the anus to help warm them up. For some people, this will be the extent of the stimulation they desire.

If your partner wants anal penetration, take a lubed finger and insert it about an inch into the anus to start. It takes a bit of time for the anus to relax and open so go slowly.

As your partner relaxes you can proceed to insert your finger deeper into their anus. If they are having trouble relaxing, try pulsing your finger a bit to help them adjust to the sensation.

If you are going to stimulate the prostate, use your index or middle finger to penetrate the anus. When you are about two to three inches inside the anus, curl your finger gently toward their belly. Locate the spongy material and press gently. This will stimulate their prostate. 

If you want to make sure you don’t run into poop, have your partner douche prior to anal play. Purchasing an anal douche will facilitate this prep. Fill the douche with warm, NOT HOT, water. Empty the douche into your anus. Hold for a minute or two before emptying your bowels into the toilet.

Repeat until you only expel clear water. Finish by washing the area with warm, soapy water.

Rimming and handjobs

Rimming is stimulating the anus with your mouth. This is a great addition to a hand job. While stroking the penis and balls, lick your partner’s anus. You may want to place a piece of ice in your mouth and alternate licking and rubbing the ice cube to the anus for a new sensation.

If you are concerned about cleanliness, your partner can wash the area with a mild body soap and warm water. Simply washing and rinsing this area thoroughly before sex will prepare the area for safe play.

Edging

Edging is the practice of bringing a partner close to orgasm but not having them climax. This is accomplished by stimulating them until they are very aroused, then backing off the stimulation or changing it to allow their sexual arousal to decline a bit. Then stimulating them to near orgasm again.

Repeating this can increase arousal and when the person finally climaxes, the orgasm will be more powerful.

During a hand job, watch your partner’s response. Their breathing will quicken, and their pupils will dilate as they near orgasm. You may also want to verbally communicate with a partner, asking them to indicate when they are near orgasm.

A hand job gives you the opportunity to bring them to climax with your hand or choose another form of stimulation to bring them to orgasm.

If you and your partner practice orgasm control or orgasm denial, a hand job allows you a great option to practice both of these types of play.

Combine handjobs and blowjobs

Moving from a hand job to a blow job is a wonderful transition for most people with a penis. Begin by arousing your partner with a great hand job.

As they get more aroused, switch to giving them a blow job.

If this is in the works, make sure you get a lube designed to be orally consumed. Intimate Earth flavored lubricant options are a great choice!

You can easily combine both handjob and a blowjob into one. Form an ''O'' with your hand and use it to stroke your partner's cock. Start giving them a handjob and follow your mouth with your hand.

Add a toy

There are plenty of automatic masturbators for penises. Use one! Once your hands get tired, bring in the second string. The Gender X Barrel of Fun Stroker or Lelo FS V1 provide a large number of options for types of vibrations and stimulation for your partner.

Adding various penis and anal toys to a hand job can be very enjoyable for your partner. 

Cock Rings

There are a large variety of cock ring designs available. The simple, nonvibrating options are often used to help people maintain an erection or delay an orgasm. These rings fit over the penis and slide to the base. Try the Vel’vor Jboa for an easy beginner’s version. This cock ring resembles a bolo tie. It is easy to adjust and use without too much pulling or pushing.

Add a vibrating cock ring to increase the stimulation for both you and your partner.

The vibration can be pleasurable for them during their hand job. If you continue to have penetrative sex, the vibrations can add pleasure by adding vibration to your clitoris or anus.

If you have a clitoris, adding the VeDO Bunny Cock Ring can get a clit vibrator in position during the hand job.

When you move onto vaginal sex, the rabbit ears will stimulate your clitoris. The Je Jou Ring offers a sleek option with powerful vibrations for both you and your partner.

Strokers

For people who want to increase the texture and stimulation for stroking, try adding a toy designed for increasing the sensation to a hand job.

Tenga offers a great line of stroker sleeves with a variety of patterns to change the feeling of a hand job.

Try the 3D Pile sleeve for a great introduction to this type of toy.

Butt Toys

For people who enjoy anal play, adding a butt plug is a great idea. Adding a solid borosilicate glass plug presents you with several options!

Using the plug at room temperature provides a feeling of fullness, which is quite pleasing. You may try chilling it in a glass of ice water or warming in a glass of hot water before insertion to add temperature play to your sexy time.

Adding a vibrating plug, especially one with a remote-control option, allows you to alter the types of stimulation your partner feels during a hand job. Try the B-vibe Stimulating Plug for a beginner’s plug during hand jobs.

Automatic Strokers

If you have hand or wrist injuries or limitations, this does not mean you cannot give a great hand job. Using an automatic stroker can help reduce the amount of work you will need to do with your own hands.

Fun Factory’s Cobra Libra is a great stroker you can move with your own hands. The small movements you add combine with the Cobra’s stroking sensation will elevate a hand job and not overtax carpal tunnel or other hand and wrist injuries.

Best position to give (and receive) handjobs in

There are many options for giving a hand job. Depending on what you and your partner want, if you want to be stimulated at the same time, and your physical limitations various positions will work better for some than others.

Side By Side

A large majority of hand jobs start when people are laying side by side. If you are in bed laying next to each other, rotating onto your non-dominant side will free your dominant hand to give your partner pleasure.

The Movie Theater

If you are sitting on the couch or chairs, sit with your dominant side next to your partner for better access. Reach over and begin to stimulate your partner’s penis. 

If you have your nondominant side next to your partner, you can rotate your body to reach your partner’s penis with your dominant hand. This will allow for a better position to kiss your partner and look them in the eyes.

Between Their Legs

If you want to watch your partner during a hand job, try sitting or kneeling between their legs.  Your partner can sit on a chair, the couch, or the edge of the bed. This will allow for eye contact and watching their body as you pleasure them. This can be very helpful for people with significant height differences as well.

Lie Back

Sit behind your partner with your back supported by the headboard, a wall, or the back of the couch. Have the person receiving the hand job sit between your legs. Wrap your arms around them and give them a hand job from this position. This works best if the person giving the hand job is taller than the person receiving. If you are both naked, the increased skin-to-skin contact can feed intimacy needs for both partners.

Doggy Style

Many people don’t think about giving a hand job while in doggy style. Have the partner receiving the hand job kneel and bend forward to place weight on their forearms. Kneeling or sitting behind them, reach around to stroke their penis. This is a great position if you want to add rimming or licking and sucking on their testicles.

Full Relaxation

Have your partner lie on their back. Allow them to fully relax while you lie next to them or sit between their legs to give them a hand job.

Standing

Have your partner stand in front of you. You may want to kneel or sit on the edge of the bed or a chair. This position is often used for blow jobs, but it may be used for a hand job or combination hand and blow job.

You may also choose to stand and face your partner. This allows eye contact, a great position for kissing and necking during the hand job. It also allows for your partner to simulate you while you perform a hand job.

Road Handy

If you and your partner can perform this safely, try giving a hand job in the car. Reach over and unzip your partner pants. You can give them a hand job using one of the many techniques above. If you are the person driving, make sure you prioritize paying attention to the road. If your partner is driving, stop if they begin to drift or lose focus.

The Stranger

Stand behind your partner so they cannot see you. While you perform a hand job, you can kiss their neck, use one hand to touch their chest, hips and stomach, or whisper in their ear.

The Mermaid

Fill a bathtub with warm water. Lounge in the tub with your partner sitting on the edge. They can put their feet in the tub. Play with their penis while you lounge like a mermaid.

What do I do if there’s foreskin?

Some people will like their foreskin being used as part of the hand job, some people will not. 

Communicate with your partner to find out what they like and dislike.

What if there’s pre-cum?

You may encounter pre-cum. Some people will expel a small amount of ejaculate before they are ready to orgasm. This may be clear or opaque.

Simply use it as a bit of extra lubricant during the hand job. One of the benefits of using good lubricant during a hand job is the pre-ejaculate will blend right in!

Why is my partner so quiet? Am I doing OK?

If your partner is not exactly vocal (moans, ...), there are other signs somebody is enjoying themselves.

Pay attention to body language, changes in breath and facial expression. 

And by far the best way to figure out if they're enjoying - ask them.

You can also ask for directions - ‘softer or harder?’ or ‘faster or slower?

Reaching orgasm

When your partner is ready to climax, you have a lot of options. You may want a towel or tissue nearby to allow them to come into these items for easy clean up.

You may want to bring them to climax with your hand and then clean up with a towel.

Where to orgasm?

You may choose to have them ejaculate on themselves or on you.

Finally, you may choose to swallow the semen or have them come inside your vagina or anus. This can be decided before you start to play or in the moment.

Should you apply more or less pressure?

Many penis-owners become super sensitive to touch from the moment they reach climax and start shooting semen for the penis.

If you did not communicate and talk about it before, your best bet will be to loosen your grip and slow down.

Not all penis-owners experience the extreme sensitivity but most do.

Debriefing

If you want to continue to improve your hand job technique, consider adding a debriefing to your hand job. After you finish, or a day or two later, consider asking your partner for feedback.

Ask them what they really liked, what they would like you to change, or if there is anything they want to add the next time you give them a hand job.

This type of communication will continue to improve your skill and ability to zero in on exactly what your partner enjoys.

And don't forget - if you decide to buy lube in The Sex Shed, use the code HANDJOBMASTER to get a 30% discount. You can use the code once.

Feel free to share with friends and partners to allow them to get the 30% discount as well.

About the author

Rebecca Blanton aka Auntie Vice

Rebecca Blanton, aka Auntie Vice, is a writer and kink educator. She holds a Ph.D. (abd) in Political Psychology and a BA in Psychology.

Their work focuses on gender, power, and kink//BDSM. She runs the award-winning blog LoveLettersToAUnicorn.com and has published several books, including The Big Workbook for Submissives, a finalist for the 2018 Golden Flogger Award. She has taught about kink and submission for the past seven years.

She regularly performs stand-up and storytelling. Prior to turning her attention to kink education and writing, she served as the Executive Director for the California Commission on the Status of Women and Girls and worked as a Senior Policy Analyst for the California Research Bureau.