Trigger warning: This article may be disturbing for some readers because we discuss abuse, rape play, and sexual activities where adult participants pretend not to consent to sex. Before you start reading, please consider if this article is right for you.
In recent years, debates about sexuality, sex toys, and different sexual games have become more acceptable in our society.
Lovers and couples love to experiment, and many of them entered a world of kink, dominance, and submission. Even if you are not part of the BDSM community, you may have already played with handcuffs and blindfolds or tried spanking and choking during sex.
But many people have darker and extreme secret fantasies about kidnapping, forced sex, and rape that they want to experience.
These fantasies are much more common than you might think and can be safely explored with consensual non-consent play and the right partner.
What is consensual non-consent?
Consensual non-consent or CNC is still one of the most taboo and unknown BDSM topics. It is a sensitive theme, and many - who secretly dream of forced sex - are afraid of negative reactions or judgments.
But sexual assaults and situations without consent in real life have nothing to do with your sexual fantasies.
Quite the opposite - consensual non-consent is all about consent!
The term CNC may sound confusing, but it simply means that one participant has previously agreed to activities that will later pretend they don’t like or want to. They give their consent to a non-consensual roleplay.
The term is often confused with the rape play, but they mean different things. The rape play represents a small part of the CNC world and revolves only around fulfilling a fantasy about rape.
But consensual non-consent includes all aspects of the relationship between submissive and dominant partners, including sexual and asexual activities.
Consensual non-consent meaning in BDSM
Consensual non-consent in BDSM is based on the mutual agreement of both or more participants before the play session.
CNC sex often involves kidnapping, rape play, bonding or blindfolding, fighting, screaming, and other forms of resisting.
The submissive participant will pretend not to consent and will resist, shout, or even fight. The dominant participant will continue with the action and “force” their lover to do things they don't want.
What is not a consensual non-consent?
The BDSM relationship is built on lovers who trust and enjoy each other deeply, and most importantly, they respect the rules and guidelines of BDSM. It doesn’t mean dominant partners can do whatever they want with their submissive partners!
Immature or abusive people often take advantage of BDSM and use it to abuse or torture their partners. So, before you dive into this world, you need to know that consensual non-consent and BDSM doesn't include:
- All types of abuse (physical, verbal, mental, etc.)
- Ignoring the safe words and boundaries of partners
- Punishment for the partner's past behavior
- Opportunity to control and manipulate their partner
Many abusive partners will hurt their partner during a BDSM session and later pretend it was part of a role-play. Or they will ignore safe words and partner boundaries and later pretend to be sorry.
Some lovers will use the BDSM play to punish their partners for their ''wrong'' behavior in the past or to control them.
If you are new to the CNC world, first make sure you understand your needs, wants, and expectations, and talk to your partner. It is essential that you:
- Know and trust your partner. An intense and intimate experience like BDSM play should be done with a partner you know and trust.
- Have open and honest communication. CNC role-playing requires a lot of open debates, including talking about your kinks, boundaries, and fantasies. Therefore, your relationship needs to be balanced and healthy.
- Choose a safe word. The safe word is your way out - using it during a play means stopping the action immediately. If you think things are too intense, you can and should use a safe word to tell your partner to stop. It can be a simple word like coconut or pie.
- Talk about your boundaries. Your partner needs to know what your limits are. Express what you want to do and what activities, scenarios, and body parts are not acceptable to you.
- Only agree with the things you want. Don’t consent to activities you don’t want just to satisfy your partner and their desires. This is the path to a disappointing or traumatic BDSM experience.
- Describe the desired scenario. Explain to your partner how you imagine a CNC session. You don’t have to discuss all the details and spoil the surprise, but you should have at least the same idea of the event.
- Talk about aftercare. After each BDSM session, aftercare should be on your list. It is a perfect time to reconnect with your partner, talk about your experiences, and recover by cuddling and showing affection.
Consensual non-consent ideas
Any recommended idea should be discussed and agreed upon before it happens:
Set the date but not the exact time
The whole planning and conversation about CNC role-playing can kill the surprise effect.
So, set the day and time when you want to do it (for example, Thursday night), but not the exact time.
The dominant partner will have the opportunity to surprise their lover.
Use masks & costumes
You can combine the consensual non-consent play with numerous masks, role play costumes, and fictional identities.
Why not explore two of your fantasies together?
- A partner can dress up as an intruder with a face mask and enter your house.
- A lover can put on a work uniform and pretend to fix something in your home.
- Your partner can become your landlord who came to collect the rent.
- You can become a patient who came for a test to a dirty doctor.
Kidnapping is a great start to a consensual non-consent play. Be careful to do this discreetly and safely so that bystanders don't call the police. The easiest way to do this is in your home or garden.
Use sex toys
Sex toys and other adult accessories will spice up your session. First, you can tie your partner with a rope or handcuffs and blindfold them. Then you can use vibrators, dildos, anal plugs, and other toys to torture your lover.
Don't forget the lube!
Test your partner's limits
You can use nipple clamps, spanking, and delayed orgasm to test your partner’s boundaries and cause pleasurable pain. Choosing a safe word allows you and your partner to relax and trust each other.
If role-playing is gets to close or over the boundaries, your lover should use a safe word so you can stop the action!
You can also force them to wear a ball gag during play - but if you are a beginner, remember to choose a breathable ball gag. And pick a safe symbol because your partner will not be able to speak and say the safe word.
When it comes to consensual non-consent play, consent is everything! This explicit form of BDSM should be performed safely and among adults who respect and trust each other.
If you are considering a CNC session, talk with your lover first. Never agree on activities you don’t want, and always respect your and your partner’s boundaries!