Today, I’ll be covering the edgy BDSM practice known as consensual non-consent (CNC). I’ll give you the lowdown on what CNC is and how to safely engage in CNC with your partner. I’ll also provide a few creative CNC play ideas to get your juices flowing.
Hello there kinky kinksters, I’m Astolaine, the Sex Shed’s expert on all things BDSM (Bondage, Discipline/Domination, Submission/Sadism, Masochism). I regularly engage in impact, bondage, and oodles of other naughty play. You can find out more about me in the section below this piece – feel free to take a cheeky peek.
Before we kick things off, I’d like to issue a trigger warning because we’ll be discussing abuse, rape play, and sexual activities where adult participants pretend not to consent. Please take a moment to consider if this article is suitable for you before you read on. If you’re happy to continue then come with me and we’ll venture into the darker and more extreme side of BDSM as we explore CNC.
What is consensual non-consent (CNC)?
Nowadays, we’re generally more sexually adventurous and open to discussions on sexuality, sex toys, and naughty games.
We’re up for experimenting and kink is at the top of the list. Whether you’re an established BDSM player, or just someone who likes to get kinky now and then you may have already incorporated elements of power play and D/s (Dominance/submission) e.g. spanking and bondage.
For some, mild BDSM is enough, but others prefer a wilder time and that’s where more extreme fantasies such as consensual non consent come in.
This type of BDSM edge play can involve fantasies about kidnapping and abduction, forced sexual activity and rape play, blindfolds and restraints, fighting and screaming, and other forms of resistance.
The term CNC can provoke a negative reaction, but let’s remember the exact wording of the term - consensual non consent.
All parties involved give consent before the session but during play, the submissive partner pretends they do not consent by resisting. The Dominant partner continues regardless, forcing their partner to do things they ''don’t want to do.''
How to engage in safe consensual non consent play
All BDSM players should practice Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) and ensure play is Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC).
As with all kinky play, CNC calls for negotiation and discussion before the fun begins.
Before we cover how to engage in CNC safely let’s cover what doesn’t constitute CNC play.
A BDSM relationship should be based on trust and mutual respect. The Dominant should not use BDSM as a free pass to do whatever they want whenever they want.
There’s no place for abuse and boundaries are set for a reason. CNC isn’t the time to settle old scores or punish your partner for past misdemeanors, nor is it a tool to exert control or coerce an unwilling partner.
CNC should be pleasurable for both partners, and to ensure this is the case you’ll need a frank and open discussion outlining expectations, setting boundaries, and identifying safe words/limits.
Those who engage in CNC enjoy the illusion of being forced but feel secure knowing they are safe.
Safe words and signals are essential in a CNC scenario. The sub may be shouting ''Stop,'' or ''No,'' as part of the scene, so make sure you use either the standard safe words (''yellow'' to slow down play and ''red'' to call an end to play) or a random word such as ''banana.''
If you’re going to be gagging your partner speaking may be impossible, so make sure they have a safe signal e.g. two hand slaps to a bench or a stamp of the foot.
During play, you must check in with your partner. You might not want to break the illusion by asking if they are ok, but keep an eye on the situation and if something doesn’t feel right don’t be afraid to call a halt.
It’s always a good idea to keep a care kit handy when playing. This should include a first-aid kit including any medicine the sub uses, safety shears (essential for rope), a bottle of water, and a mobile phone (in case of emergencies). You can also add items that will be useful during aftercare such as a blanket and yummy food (chocolate is usually a winner after a hard scene).
Creative consensual non-consent ideas
If you’ve both discussed consensual non-consent and are keen to give it a try, there are plenty of ways to play. Here are a few ideas you might want to try:
Use masks and costumes
Adopt a fictional identity or sport a role-play costume and mask to bring your fantasy to life. The Dominant could pull on a balaclava or ski mask and dress in black before entering the house as an intruder.
Alternatively, the Dominant could dress as a ruthless prisoner officer intent on punishing their prisoner. Or perhaps the Dominant could don a Doctor’s coat and force their patient into undergoing a humiliating medical examination.
Be vague on where and when
While you need to discuss the scenario in order to consent, you don’t want to give every little detail away as it will kill the surprise. For instance, you could set the date for your scenario and say approximately when it will happen e.g. Saturday evening, but you could keep the exact time hidden.
Abduct your lover
Kidnapping is a popular form of CNC play, but be careful how you set the scene. Abducting your partner in public can lead to problems if a well-meaning bystander tries to intervene or call the police. It’s best to keep things private, so stick to playing within the confines of your own home or yard if you want to be on the safe side.
Use sex toys and BDSM tools to enhance play
Spice up your session by using metal handcuffs, leather cuffs, bondage tape, or rope to restrain your partner.
Add a blindfold to dull their senses (this will heighten their experience and make your partner feel more vulnerable).
Gags are good fun too, just remember to use a safe signal rather than a safe word as your lover won’t be able to speak!
Once you’ve subdued your partner tease and torture them using vibrators, dildos, nipple clamps, butt plugs, anal beads, and anal plugs (don’t forget the lube).
Humiliation and degradation
Push your partner by forcing them to engage in activities they might find humiliating or degrading. This could involve being forced to act as a footstool, eat from a dog bowl, strip naked, wear a chastity belt, etc.
Ready to consent to consensual non consent?
We’ve established consent is key when it comes to consensual non consent.
This type of BDSM edge play is not for the faint-hearted but if have a bond built on trust and mutual respect, and want to try something wild rather than mild, CNC could be right up your kinky street.
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