BDSM community is growing, and more lovers and couples experiment with kinky activities. The world of bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism, and masochism offers soft and intense sessions with handcuffs, spanking, sex slaves, and so much more.
BDSM is not everyone's cup of tea, but many enjoy it and include it in their life as a special treat or even as a lifestyle. One of the hot topics of BDSM is definitely a dominant and submissive dynamic. One lover in the relationship becomes dominant and the other submissive, also known as dom and sub or top and bottom.
Dom is the dominant partner who usually performs actions like spanking and bonding, and sub obeys and accepts them. But these roles can change quickly, and the dom can demand dominant activities from the submissive partner.
Many lovers like to change the power dynamics and roles and enjoy BDSM sessions once as a dominant partner and another time as a submissive. Partners can practice BDSM as they wish as long as everything is safe, sane, and consensual.
There is a lot of material about submissive and dominant role-playing, but most of the guides are aimed at vagina owners who want to submit to their partners. Society usually assumes that people with penises should be predominant in a relationship.
The desire of many vagina owners is to dominate their lovers and experience BDSM practices as top partners. They love the power exchange and want to free themselves from social norms and expected gender roles.
If you want to enjoy the dominant role and experiment with your partner, BDSM femdom may be the right solution for you.
What is FemDom?
The term female dominance or FemDom was first used around 1986 in pornography to describe adult films with dominant vagina owners.
FemDom refers to a BDSM practice, relationship, or lifestyle in which people with vaginas take on the role of the dominant lover, often called the top partner.
They have complete control of the BDSM scene and often perform bondage, humiliation, forced orgasms, facesitting, whipping, and other practices. Femdom may include non-sexual activities where the submissive lover serves the dominant partner, perform daily tasks, or pampers them with massages or feeding.
Vagina owners who perform FemDom are often called Dominatrix, Madame, Mistress, or Domme. These names also refer to sex workers who offer paid services to their submissive clients.
The Dominatrix industry represents a large part of the sex industry, with millions of loyal clients enjoying the services of professional Dominatrixes.
People who practice intimate femdom with their partners can use the same names or choose others, such as Goddess, Mummy, or Queen.
Any couple who is new to the world of BDSM can safely and slowly experiment with dominance. Harsh and intense punishment is not necessary if it is not part of your fantasies. If you want to discover some soft practices, you can tie your partner and tease them or try sensual play.
How to talk about Femdom with your partner.
Thinking about dominating your partner? First, you need to talk to them and express your secret fantasies. If you and your lover are already enjoying BDSM sessions, introducing a new activity may be easier, but it depends on each individual. Some partners want to be dominated, while others don’t appreciate being the bottom one.
If you never try BDSM, talk about it with your lover and tell them that you dream of becoming their master. Femdom doesn't have to be first thing on your checklist - you can try some soft interactions first, like bondage with handcuffs or temperature play with a glass dildo. But you should be honest with your lover and share your desires with them. They may surprise you - many people, regardless of their orientation and gender, love submissive roles and pleasing their lovers.
If you plan to introduce the femdom idea to your better half, do it privately and choose the right time. Tell them that you did research on this topic and would like to experiment. Be clear about your desires and expectations - there is a big difference between teasing the nipples with ice cubes or playing the role of a sex slave who worships master feet.
Give your partner time to think about the scenario and decide if they will join you on this kinky adventure.
Establishing boundaries and safewords.
If you and your partner have agreed to try BDSM, you should first:
- Talk about your limits. Each individual has boundaries that must be respected during BDSM sessions. Tell your partner what your boundaries and expectations are.
- Define your no-go areas. You may like some parts of BDSM, such as whipping, but that doesn’t mean your partner wants it. Both partners must consent to each activity and reach a mutual agreement.
- Choose a safe word or signal. To safely experiment with new horizons, you need to determine safe words and signals before the fun begins. Submissive partners can use them to finish an act that makes them feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
- Discuss the desired scenario. Once you know which part of BDSM you want to discover, you need to plan the event. Do you need sex toys, costumes, or other tools? When and where will this happen? Do you need to set the rules and structure of the play first?
- Think about aftercare. When the BDSM session is finished, lovers should use aftercare to connect with partners and discuss the experience. Aftercare is a beautiful act after a play and allows you to enjoy the tenderness and cuddle with your partner.
15 FemDom rules
Some enjoy femdom as a special and occasional treat, and for others, it is a lifestyle. The latter usually establish rules in their relationship and train their partners into obedient lovers, often called slaves or pets.
If you don’t want to have a 24/7 femdom relationship, structure and rules can still be a great way to really get involved in a role-play and create a genuine BDSM experience.
Create your own rules for the submissive partner or follow the list below:
- Respect my name. You should call me Madame, Goddess, or Queen.
- Always obey and listen. Don't challenge me, I know what is best for you.
- Accept your punishment. If you question me or refuse my orders, there will be consequences and discipline.
- Mastrubation is earned. Your dick is mine, and you can masturbate when I allow it.
- Worship me. I'm your god, and you will always be beneath me. Praise me properly, or there will be punishment.
- I dictate your orgasms. You can't have an orgasm without my permission. This luxury is deserved after best behavior.
- Ask for my permission. I always have to approve your needs, like hunger or thirst.
- Wear and enjoy sex toys. I’m going to force you to wear butt plugs, cock rings, nipple clamps, and other spicy toys, and you will love it.
- Thank me for the discipline. I'm punishing you because you deserve it, and you should be grateful for my care and energy.
- Love my dick. You will play, suck and gag on my dildo and worship it after pegging.
- Privacy doesn't exist. I took away your right to privacy - everything you do is done in front of my eyes.
- Satisfy my needs. When you are asked to do something, respond enthusiastically and do so without hesitation.
- Adore your new name. If I change your name, you will accept and love it.
- Confess your mistakes. If you have been disobedient, admit it and accept your punishment.
- Your only purpose is serving me. Your biggest reward is being my slave, and you breathe to satisfy me.
10 FemDom ideas
- Bondage. Restraining a partner can open up endless possibilities for fun, including teasing, delayed orgasms, punishment, or facesitting. You can use handcuffs and restrains to tie their ankles and wrists.
- Feet worship. Worshiping your feet should become a regular task for your submissive partner. You can wear high heels or boots and stockings and make them lick, kiss, and adore your feet and shoes.
- Cock rings. If you are a beginner in bonding, stretchy penis rings are the right tool for training your Sub. Let them wear them and then switch to advanced materials such as metal or steel.
- Spanking. Impact play and disciplinary training on your bottom can start with spanking with your hand. You can also use a stick or paddle and give them some good punishment.
- Anal training. Butt plugs are great toys for beginner-friendly anal play and will prepare your submissive partner for pegging. You may dominate them, but they will love anal stimulation because it can give them the best prostate orgasm.
- Teasing. Your submissive partner will beg you for mercy if you tease them long enough. Teasing is the perfect dominant technique, and you can start by tying your partner and masturbating in front of them.
- Remote control toys. Have your partner wear a buzzing anal toy so you can stimulate their prostate whenever you want. Give them a list of tasks they need to complete quickly and watch them rush as you control the toy. Or take them for a walk or shopping and tease them in public.
- Ask about the rules. Order your submissive partner to tell you the established rules. If they don’t know them, it is time for punishment. Every forgotten rule deserves five spanks. When they repeat them correctly, give them five spanks to help them remember them.
- Controlled masturbation. Order your sub to masturbate you, but you have complete control over them. Tell them to start, control their movements and speed, delay their orgasm, and take a break. To punish them, they have to wait for an orgasm to be approved, or they don’t have to finish at all.
- Give me with a toy. Tell your lover that their dick isn’t good enough for you, and restrain them. Put a dildo in their mouth and tell them to penetrate you with the toy. If you are not satisfied, punish them!
5 Role Play Ideas
BDSM femdom offers you numerous role-playing possibilities and kinky scenarios. You can combine these scenes with outfits, sex toys, and other equipment you may need for a genuine experience.
- Eager student and evil teacher. Your submissive partner should be your student who wants to improve your grades or needs a special recommendation letter from you. Ask them to show you how much they want this letter or better grades and punish them if they didn't try hard enough.
- Police and criminal. This classic role-playing can be combined with many sex toys and costumes. Your bottom partner can be a good cop, and you can be a bad criminal who will teach them a lesson and show them who is in charge here.
- Boss and employee. Another typical role-play, where you can be a rude boss who dominates an employee who wants to be promoted. Let them show you how much they want these promotions. You can tease and spank them and use different sex toys.
- Pet play. Your sub partner can turn into your loyal pet. They can become a puppy, kitten, or pony, and you can buy a furry tail plug that will make the whole play more realistic. They can crawl, worship your feet, and you can ride and feed them. Teach them how to be good and submissive pets.
- Prisoners. You can be cellmates in prison and wear jumpsuits. You can be a leader of the prison and your submissive partner your personal slave. They need to do everything for you and serve you like a proper servant.
Open communication, trust, and mutual respect are the three main ingredients for creating a mind-blowing and satisfying BDSM femdom experience. Lovers and couples who have a balanced and healthy relationship should always enjoy this explicit sexual practice safely and with respect for their partner.