Today, I’ll be giving you the heads-up on FemDom, which is shorthand for female dominance/domination. We’ll explore FemDom play, get to grips with FemDom rules and delve into FemDom role-play ideas.
Ready to get kinky? On your knees and follow me…
Hey fellow kinksters, I’m Astolaine, The Sex Shed’s expert on all things BDSM (Bondage, Discipline/Domination, Submission/Sadism, Masochism).
I regularly engage in impact, bondage, and oodles of other naughty play. You can find out more about me in the section below this piece – feel free to take a cheeky peek.
What is FemDom?
The term FemDom first cropped up back and 1986 and was predominantly used in pornography circles as a label for dominant vagina owners.
Nowadays the term has been adopted by the kink community to describe BDSM practices, scenarios and lifestyles involving authoritative females at the helm.
These firm females are often referred to as Dominatrix, Domme, Top, Mistress, and Madame, and they take pleasure in commanding lowly submissives, bottoms, and slaves.
Common practices include impact, bondage, forced orgasms, cbt (cock and ball torture), face sitting, wax, needles, humiliation, piss play, and other delightfully dirty deeds.
FemDom can also involve the submissive partner serving their Domme. This could be via domestic duties such as cleaning, food prep, running errands, chauffeuring, etc.
Slaves and subs can also demonstrate devotion in other ways, such as serving as a footstool, keeling, writing lines, worshipping shoes, and providing massages.
While some vagina owners make a living by offering professional BDSM services as a Dominatrix others enjoy taking the lead as part of a D/s lifestyle.
For some Domming is a power exchange game reserved just for the bedroom.
How to discuss Femdom with your partner?
Are you yearning to take the helm and dominate your partner? Or maybe you like the idea of giving up control and submitting to a domineering female.
Either way, if you want to engage in FemDom with your other half you’ll need to share your fantasies.
If you both have a penchant for BDSM sharing your FemDom fantasy shouldn’t be that big a deal, but if you’re usually vanilla you might find it more daunting.
Don’t be put off – your partner might love the idea of D/s play as much as you do.
Choose a quiet time and set the scene by sharing a nice dinner and a bottle of wine.
Open up the chat by suggesting dipping your toes in some light kink, such as sensory play using blindfolds, feathers, ice, etc., or exploring the idea of restraint using handcuffs.
Be clear about your desires but don’t go too hardcore straight away. Telling your lover, you want to dress them as a gimp and use them as a human toilet might be a step too far!
15 FemDom rules you can incorporate into play
Whether you’re engaging in FemDom as a lifestyle choice as part of a 24/7 D/s relationship or want to play casually, it’s wise to establish rules.
Rules will help you meet each other’s expectations and enhance your dynamic.
Here are a few examples for you:
- Respect the dynamic: Define your dynamic e.g. Mistress/slave, Domme/sub, Owner/pet, Top/bottom, etc, and decide how you will be addressed e.g. Mistress, Ma’am, Goddess, etc. The sub must address the Domme correctly at all times.
- Obey commands: The Domme gives instructions, and the submissive must obey without question. The Domme always knows best and has the final say.
- Ask for permission: The sub must ask for permission to do certain things e.g. go out with friends, spend money, speak, use the toilet, etc.
- Accept punishment: If the sub commits a misdemeanor, they will accept punishment as defined by the Domme e.g. spanking, writing lines, etc
- Always aim to please: The sub will always try to please the Domme, serving as required and always doing their best to satisfy.
- Admit to mistakes: The sub will admit to mistakes and errors and will apologize if they do something incorrect, accepting the consequences.
- Earn attention and rewards: The sub will strive to consistently perform well and meet expectations to earn praise and rewards.
- Worship and respect: The sub will show respect at all times and will demonstrate their devotion to the Domme.
- Accept sexual play will be dictated: The Domme will dictate how and when the sub receives sexual play or pleasure.
- Use sex toys as and when instructed: The sub will use sex toys as instructed e.g. wear a chastity cage for the evening, insert a butt plug when directed, etc.
- Embrace your status: The sub will show gratitude to the Domme for permitting them to serve and will revel in their submission.
- Accept limitations on privacy: The sub will accept they only have privacy as granted e.g. bathroom door to be kept open, phone to be handed over, etc.
- Respect set boundaries and use safe words if needed: The sub will always adhere to negotiated play/contract and will use safe words if needed.
- Accept orgasms may be limited: The sub can only orgasm when directed and must deliver orgasms to the Domme when asked.
- Understand your purpose is to serve: The sub should serve enthusiastically and live to serve the Domme.
10 FemDom play ideas for beginners
There are plenty of ways to play when you’re just starting out.
Here are a few ideas to get you going:
- Bondage: Restraints such as handcuffs, silk ties, rope, etc to secure the sub’s ankles and wrists. The sub can then be teased e.g. delayed orgasms, tickling, smacking, face sitting, etc.
- Impact: Spanking can be administered playfully or strictly. An over-the-knee bare-bottom spank with the palm is very effective. Use impact play toys if desired too e.g. floggers, paddles, and canes.
- Worship: The sub can worship a particular part of your body e.g. your feet. Wear heels and stockings and encourage your sub to kiss and lick your shoes and feet. Ass worship can be fun too.
- Chastity: Direct the sub to wear a chastity cage to prevent them from masturbating or gaining sexual gratification. Not being able to cum will drive your sub wild with frustration.
- Anal: Anal play can be a fantastic way to exert power. Choose a beginner-friendly butt plug for anal training and increase the size incrementally. Once the sub is comfy with plugs you can move on to pegging.
- Remote control toys: Fit the sub with one of the, for example, app & remote-controlled butt plugs and watch them squirm as you operate the toy by remote control. Your sub can perform tasks or take a walk in public if you desire.
- Fucking with a toy: Tell your lover you need dick (but not their cock). Restrain them and use a harness to place one of the dildos in their mouth (or just pop one between their lips). Your partner needs to bring you to orgasm with the dildo or face punishment.
- Cock rings: Apply a ring to their cock as a training method. Start with a stretchy cock ring in a supple material then move to more hardcore rings made from metal.
- Edging: Tease your partner by masturbating and forcing them to watch. They are not allowed to masturbate until you say so. When your partner starts wanking insist they stop when you say so and tell them they can only cum if you allow it.
- Objectification: Command your sub to get down on all fours and use them as a table or footstool.
5 FemDom scenarios to try out on your next date night
BDSM FemDom offers plentiful role-play scenarios that can be enhanced with outfits, sex toys, and other equipment.
Check out five popular FemDom scenarios:
- Strict teacher and lazy student: The Domme takes the role of a strict teacher, with the sub a student who isn’t putting in adequate effort to their studies. The teacher can punish the student with line writing, corner time, and a sound spanking.
- Police officer and convict: If you commit a crime, you must do the time. As a police officer, you can restrain and punish your wayward sub, using your handcuffs and baton if needed.
- Boss and employee: An authoritative boss who likes to belittle employees and tell them what to do, the Domme can instruct the employee to carry out tasks and discipline them when the work is sloppy or incomplete.
- Handler and pet: The Domme takes the role of a handler and the sub a pet e.g. doggy, cat, horse, etc. The handler can lead the pet around on a lead, play fetch, and force them to eat from a bowl.
- Doctor and patient: The stern Doctor or nurse can command the patient to strip for a thorough examination, using apparatus if needed. The patient must do as they are told and take medicine as prescribed – enema anyone?
Ready to play FemDom?
The world of FemDom can provide you with a wealth of play opportunities. Enjoy female led fun and embrace the power of a dominant vagina owner.
Talk to your partner if you’re interested in play, do your homework, negotiate the scene, set boundaries and identify safe words.
Above all, enjoy.
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