Fingering, or stimulating the genitals with your fingers, is an underrated and underutilized technique. Once most of us start enjoying penetrative sex, fingering as part of sex tends to decline.
This is a huge waste! More than 85 percent of people with clitoris need it stimulated to reach orgasm. The prostate, when stimulated, can increase intensity of a climax for anyone who has one. The fingers are the best built-in tools we have to stimulate these body parts.
If you have fallen out of practice with your fingering techniques or never really developed any, here are 19 fundamental techniques to master to help make anybody feel amazing.
What is Fingering?
Fingering is any act which involves genital-digital stimulation. This includes using one or more fingers to stimulate the clitoris, vulva, vagina, anus, penis, scrotum, or prostate.
Your fingertips are exceptionally sensitive, and you have a great amount of fine motor control for fingers. This means you have a lot of opportunities to feel the minute changes in a person’s arousal and hone in on the touch that makes them excited.
Safety First
If you plan to use your fingers to stimulate any body part, you want to make sure your hands and fingernails are in good condition. Jagged nails or cuticles, rough and chapped hands, or dirty fingernails can tear and scratch sensitive parts and introduce bacteria.
Before things get hot and heavy, trim and file your nails. Make sure the nails are smooth across the entire expanse of the tip. Clean out from underneath your nails using a nail brush or nail tool (often included with home manicure kits). Wash your hands before and after sex.
If you regularly use lotion, make sure you have not applied it immediately prior to sex. Some hand lotions contain ingredients which can irritate sensitive skin. Hand lotions which include petroleum products (e.g., Vaseline, baby oil) can clog the pores in the vulva. These products also break down latex condoms and can cause the condom to break within minutes of exposure.
How to make fingering the main event?
Like us, like many, you might be struggling with ''upgrading'' the fingering session from a short foreplay act to the main act.
If you're interested in how to make that happen, we would like to point you to one of the subscriber-only articles in our newsletter, Filthy Beautiful Sex.
Click here to read the article.
Fingering Techniques for People with Clitoris
#1 Venus Rising
In order to be an ace with your digits, you need to understand various bodily anatomy. The most common area people stimulate with fingers is the clitoris.
The clitoris is more than the tiny, exposed part under the clitoral hood. The clitoris is a large body consisting of two sets of lobes that sit within the vulva and vaginal opening.
These lobes, along with the clitoral hood and exposed clitoral tip can all be stimulated to increase pleasure.
Use long, slow strokes along the areas of the vulva where the clitoral lobes are underneath the lips.
This will cause the lobes to become engorged with blood as the person becomes aroused. You should be able to feel this swelling with your fingertips.
Use lube when you begin to increase the pleasurable sensation.
As your partner becomes aroused, work up toward the clitoris. As your partner becomes aroused, the hood of the clitoris will retract, exposing the highly sensitive tip.
Work in small circles around the edges of the tip of the clitoris and feel it enlarge.
#2 The Power Button
If your partner enjoys having the tip of their clitoris engaged, try the Power Button move. For this technique, gently circle the clit and then swipe your finger directly across the clit.
This makes the “power button” sign you are familiar with on electronic devices. The circling followed by swiping teases the clit with different levels of pressure and sensation. It keeps the pressure from becoming too intense too quickly.
#3 The S.O.S. fingering technique
The S.O.S. draws its name from Morris Code. The S.O.S. signal is three dots followed by three dashes, followed by three dots.
For this fingering technique, you want to begin by rubbing your finger across the clitoris gently in three short motions.
Next, run your fingers down the inner vulva lips to the vaginal opening and back up to the clit in three longer strokes. Return to the clitoris and rub it with three short strokes.
As you repeat this, you will stimulate the clitoris tip, the clitoral lobes underneath the inner lips, the opening of the vagina, and then the clit again.
This complete clitoral body stimulation will often help a person increase the amount of natural lubricant they produce, and it helps arouse the vagina to make sex more pleasurable.
#4 The Chef’s Kiss
For this technique, you will use the three fingers in the ''Chef’s Kiss'' move.
Use your thumb to gently rub the clitoris tip. Insert your index and middle finger into your partner’s vagina.
Work the two fingers gently in and out of the vagina while continuing to stimulate the clitoris. This is a great warm-up to any penetrative activity.
#5 Under the Hood
As the clitoris becomes aroused, the hood covering it will recede. Once this happens, the very sensitive tip is fully exposed.
Add some lube to your fingers and run the tip of your middle finger gently back-and-forth across the tip of the clitoris.
You can increase pressure and speed, or decrease them, as feels best to you or your partner.
If you are fingering someone else, make sure to check in and see what level of pressure and speed they enjoy.
Fingering Techniques for the Anus and Prostate
Fingering isn’t just for the vulva and clitoris! Using your fingers to stimulate someone’s anus, perineum, and prostate can be quite delightful as well. As with any form of sexual activity, make sure your partner is comfortable being touched in this area.
Cleanliness
Anyone being touched near or in their anus has concerns about cleanliness. If you are going to be touching in this area (or touching someone in this area) make sure to do a little preparation beforehand. Wash your perineum and exterior anal area with warm water and a mild soap. Rinse well.
If you are going to have someone inserting their fingers into your anus, you may want to add anal douching to your preparation. While it is not necessary to douche prior to being fingered, it helps give people a sense of confidence they are clean.
Using an anal douche to gently squeeze a bit of warm (not hot) water into your rectum and then defecating and repeating until the water runs clean will ensure there is nothing up there to surprise anyone.
If you are uncomfortable with the idea that you might get a little poo under your fingernails, use latex or nitrile gloves for anal play. Make sure you add lube to the gloves before inserting a finger or rubbing the area.
Gloves are especially useful if you do not want to stop and wash your hands between anal fingering and touching someone’s vulva, clitoris and vaginal area.
You want to make sure you have washed your hands well or removed your gloves when moving from the anal area to the vaginal/clitoral area. This ensures you will not transfer bacteria which can cause a serious urinary tract infection.
#6 Ring Around the Roses
For people who are new to anal play, it can seem intimidating or scary. Reduce that fear by gently running your lubricated finger around the outside of the anus.
This is a gentle and pleasing feeling for most people and will get them used to having a finger in the area.
#7 Come Hither
This technique will stimulate the prostate. The prostate is located about 3 inches inside the rectum and up toward the belly button of a person (similar positioning to the G-Spot in people with vaginas).
Gently insert one well-lubricated finger into a person’s anus. Then, make a “come hither” motion as if calling over a friend. You should feel a squishy or spongy area that indicates you are touching the prostate.
Continue to gently move your finger in a calling motion. Make sure to communicate with your partner. They can help confirm when you are touching the prostate and if they are comfortable.
#8 The I.V. Move
If your partner is comfortable having two fingers inserted into their anus, the I.V. move can drive them wild!
Insert your lubricated index and middle fingers into their anus and locate the prostate.
Then, begin with your two fingers together on the prostate. Move the fingers in opposite directions making a V shape. Then close the fingers back to an I.
Continue opening and closing the two fingers while pressing on the prostate.
Note: on the above illustration, prostate is circled and arrow is pointing to the circle
#9 The Nervous Tick
This move can be done with one, two, and even three fingers depending on how much your partner enjoys being penetrated. Insert well-lubricated fingers into the anus.
Locate the prostate with the tip of your finger(s).
Pulse rapidly up and down on the prostate in the same way you would tap a finger nervously on a desk.
Advanced Techniques
Once you have explored the basic techniques for fingering mentioned above, you may want to get fancy! You can add toys, a tongue, two hands, or your own genitals to the mix.
#10 Lick It and Stick It
Adding your tongue to the mix while fingering a person’s clitoris and vaginal area can be intensely pleasurable. Gently part their labia and begin licking their clitoris.
Slip one, two or more fingers into their vagina while continuing to lick their clitoris. Move your fingers in and out, penetrating the vaginal opening.
If you are coordinated, you can you the two inserted fingers to locate the G-Spot and stimulate that with the “come hither” move while licking the clitoris. This move will make you a most memorable lover.
#11 Reach Around
This is a popular move to reference in movies and film, although fewer people have attempted it than it would seem by watching Hollywood movies.
While performing fellatio on a partner with a penis, slip a lubricated finger into their rectum.
Add the “come hither” move from above to stimulate the prostate.
For most people with a prostate, the combination of oral sex and prostate stimulation leads to an intense orgasm.
#12 Doubling Down
This move requires you either have a larger hand size or two hands. Insert one or two fingers into a person’s vagina and gently thrust back and forth.
Using your thumb (if you have large hands) or a finger on your second hand, insert a lubricated finger into the person’s anus.
Gently thrust back and forth with that finger as well. You can synchronize the thrusting between the two hands (or fingers and thumb) or alternate the thrusting. Each pattern creates a unique sensation for your partner.
#13 Circuit Overload
For this move, you will be stimulating the clitoris, the vaginal area, and the anus at the same time. Make sure to listen to your partner for feedback. For some people this is the ultimate move to help them climax. For others, it may be too intense.
Begin by licking the person’s clitoris. Insert two fingers into their vagina and do the “come hither” move to stimulate their G-spot. Finally, use your other hand with a well-lubricated finger to penetrate their anus and pump gently.
#14 Double Decker Sandwich
A variation or continuation of #13 Circuit Overload. Mix up the fingers and change up the stimulation to make your partner go crazy.
#15 Egg-cellent
Using a vibrating egg or internal vibrator like the Je Jeou Uma, insert the vibrator into the vaginal canal and position it so your partner is comfortable. Then, using the Venus Rising or Power Button move above, stimulate the external vulva and clitoris area.
#16 Put a Ring on It
Start by putting a vibrating cock ring on your partner (or have them help) and turn on the vibrator. Models like Hot Octopus “Atom” work well for this move. As they begin to enjoy the sensation, insert a well-lubricated finger into their anus.
Use the “Come Hither” move to stimulate their prostate while the cock ring continues to vibrate.
#17 Side Saddle
If you want to increase the chance a partner with a clitoris will climax, stimulating their clit at the same time as penetrating them provides a greater probability of reaching orgasm.
While both of you lie on the same side (right or left) penetrate their vagina from behind. Then, reach an arm around their hips and between their legs to stimulate the clitoris.
#18 Missionary Reach Around
While in missionary position, reach around and stimulate your partner’s anus. Make sure to get lube on your fingers first!
#19 Backseat Driver
For this position, have a partner sit in a chair. Sit on their lap. If you are using a strap-on or other form of penetration, the person sitting on top is penetrated. The person sitting on top has great access to their own genitals in this position. It is a great time to finger yourself!
#20 The Washing Machine
In this position, a partner stands on the ground and leans over a piece of furniture. The other partner enters them from a standing position behind them.
The partner on the furniture can use a hand to reach underneath themselves and stimulate their genitals.
Alternatively, the standing partner can lean forward and reach under their partner to finger their genitals.
#21 Trully Fullfilled
An inverse variation of #11 Reach Around. While one partner is performing oral on another, that partner is fingering them.
#22 The Naughty Massage
Perfect for a little massage role-play. Transition from the ''regular'' massage to the naughty part by slowly introducing a finger into the play. Fingerfucking from the back is great foreplay to let's say prone bone sex position.
#23 Kiss the DJ
A fan's favorite position. Tease/ lick/ bite your partner's nipples while playing with their clit and fingering them.
#24 Full Service
Unusual position but the fetus position is one of the most relaxing positions. Use one hand to stimulate the partner's penis and using another hand, perform a Come hither motion on their prostate.
#25 The Finger Doctor
In this position, one partner bends over on all fours, like they would for a doggie style position. The other partner comes from behind and uses finger to stimulate them.
A combination of stimulation methods (or the above methods) is always welcome and exciting. Also adding another finger into the mix after a partner is ready for it.
Great foreplay to doggie style.
#26 Best seat in the house
Position yourself behind your partner and have them comfortably position themselves between your legs.
This way, you have complete access to their breast and nipples plus their vagina, so you can stimulate them simultaneously.
#27 Netflix & chill fingering sex position
Have your partner enjoy a TV show or even better, their favorite porn. Use a finger or two to finger their vagina and/or anus and prostate.
Use lube to make it a more pleasurable experience. Since the ass cheeks are in a tight position, lube will definitely help.
Expand your fingering techniques
If you're interested in learning how to build upon this new knowledge, we recommend taking these courses:
The Art of Sensual Vulva Massage
All it takes for out-of-this-world vulva pleasure is knowing your way around it. Become a vulva-massage expert by following along with these simple guided massage tutorials.
Dylan Ryan and Mickey Mod talk about one of their favorite things: fingering a pussy! In this clip they explain some of the reasons this is an underrated means of intimacy, closeness, and pleasure, as well as some of the prep that you can do beforehand to make it better (hint: wash your hands & have lube!). They demonstrate some of the fun ways the vulva can be stimulated on the outside; in part 2, they’ll discuss more positions and penetration.
Fingering techniques for people who have had gender affirming surgery
For people who have undergone forms of gender affirming surgery on their genitals, the anatomy is slightly different, and you need to make a few adjustments to your techniques in order to ensure their pleasure.
Post-Vaginoplasty
People who have undergone vaginoplasty will not lubricate in the same way people born with a vagina can. You will want to make sure to include lube in your fingering play every time to make sure the sensations are pleasurable for your partner.
Clitoris fingering techniques for people who have undergone vaginoplasty can be a welcome addition to sex play. The tip of the penis is what becomes the head of a clit post-surgery.
Stimulating the clit with the fingers provides the added sensation needed to help many people reach orgasm. Just as in cis-women, trans folks need the clit stimulated to come most of the time.
Post-Medioplasty or Post-Phalloplasty surgery
People who undergo medioplasty or phalloplasty surgery will not have a prostate. However, for some people, the G-spot can be stimulated through the rectal wall the same as you would a prostate.
Inserting a finger into the rectum and pressing up toward the belly button can put pressure on the G-spot making it perform similar to a prostate for trans men.
Arthritis, Carpal Tunnel, and Other Hand Injuries
As you age, there is a high probability you will develop osteoarthritis (OA). About half of all women and a quarter of all men develop OA before the age of 85.
Additionally, about one percent of the population will develop rheumatory arthritis before the age of 55. About five percent of the general population experience carpal tunnel syndrome and as much as 62 percent of pregnant women experience carpal tunnel as a complication of pregnancy.
This is a lot of people who have hand and wrist limitations!
Having hand and wrist limitations does not mean you must forego fingering. This means you need to learn to adapt your techniques to make it comfortable.
Turn your partner over!
If you experience pain while trying fingering techniques and your partner is on their back, ask them to turn over!
When your partner lays on their stomach, this exposes the anus, vaginal opening and clitoris at very different angles than when they are on their back.
Sitting or lying to the side of your partner who is on their stomach, try one or more of the above techniques. Since every body is unique, you may have to try a few positions to find one that works for you.
Sit between their legs
Rather than reaching down their body to access their genitals, try sitting between their legs. Either on a bed, the floor, or a couch, have your partner lay on their back.
Try fingering techniques from this angle and see if it reduces pressure on your wrists and hands.
Switch hands
Most of us have a dominant hand. The dominant hand is the one most likely to develop carpal tunnel syndrome and osteoarthritis. If this is the case for you, work on improving the dexterity in your non-dominant hand.
Try squeezing a stress ball or ball of rubber bands to increase strength. You could also invest in a finger strengthening and dexterity tool like the ones used for rock climbers or musicians.
Mechanical help!
The great thing about the sex toy industry in the last decade is that they have finally started to respond to the needs of aging people and folks with various bodily limitations. There are now some great toys to help adapt your sex life.
Bullet Vibes
For people who lack finger strength or fingers, a bullet vibe is a great option. These small vibrators can be held with just two fingers that have limited strength and dexterity. They are wonderful for stimulating the clitoris and vulva. Check out the VeDO Bam Bullet for a great option!
Finger Vibes
If you have difficulty with endurance or dexterity, adding a finger vibrator to your fingering play will help you solve your problems. Finger vibes like the VeDO Yummy Finger Vibe provide the added stimulation and endurance you may be lacking in your own fingers.
Wearable Vibrators
Wearable vibrators provide lots of options in terms of lending a helping hand. Using a toy like the OhMiBod G-spot wearable vibrator will allow you to stimulate a G-spot if your fingers or wrist are not up for the position needed to penetrate your partner.
Anal Vibrators
If you have difficulty reaching your partner’s prostate or you just don’t want to put your fingers in their bum, using a vibrating butt plug is a great option. Plugs like the Tantus Wave Plug are designed to stimulate the prostate and are comfortable for the user to wear.
Things to Keep in Mind
While many people enjoy being fingered, every one of us has our own preferences. Talk to your partner(s) about fingering and how they feel about different techniques. Make sure to communicate your preferences as well.
Preferences can change over time. As we age, undergo stress, and have hormone fluctuations, what we enjoy sexually will change. If your partner used to really enjoy a lot of heavy clitoral fingering and does not seem to want it as much now, talk to them about it.
It might be a temporary change, or their bodies may have shifted. The same goes for anal fingering. While some people may not want to engage in it at first, they can change their minds over time. This does not mean you did something wrong! We all change. Its normal.
Scavenger hunt clue #9: clue13off
Finally, comfort and health come first. Always wash your hands before and after sex. Make sure to wash your hands or change gloves between touching the anal area and the vaginal area. Make sure to keep your hands in good condition by trimming and filing your nails before you finger someone.
About the author
Rebecca Blanton, aka Auntie Vice, is a writer and kink educator. She holds a Ph.D. (abd) in Political Psychology and a BA in Psychology.
Their work focuses on gender, power, and kink//BDSM. She runs the award-winning blog LoveLettersToAUnicorn.com and has published several books, including The Big Workbook for Submissives, a finalist for the 2018 Golden Flogger Award. She has taught about kink and submission for the past seven years.
She regularly performs stand-up and storytelling. Prior to turning her attention to kink education and writing, she served as the Executive Director for the California Commission on the Status of Women and Girls and worked as a Senior Policy Analyst for the California Research Bureau.
