How the heck do you use a strapless strap-on dildo? More importantly, how do you keep it in place?!?
Using a strap-on dildo is a popular activity for people of all sexualities and genders.
Pegging (using a strap-on dildo by a woman to anally penetrate a man) has seen its popularity increase consistently over the past seven years.
Lesbians have long practiced using a strap-on dildo to penetrate partners. These uses may be combined for a variety of activities during group sex.
So, what is pegging? How else can you use a strapless strap-on? How do you find a toy that will work for you? We have your answers!
What is a strapless strap-on?
A strapless strap-on is a dildo which consists of a small bulb or ‘horn’ and a longer dildo part. The horn fits into the vagina and is held in place with the Kegel muscles. The dildo end is then used to penetrate a partner.
The bulb piece takes the place of a strap-on harness used with other dildos for pegging and insertive play. These toys are designed to be worn by a person with a vagina.
Why would you choose a strapless-strap-on instead of a harness?
A strapless option allows more spontaneity in play. You don’t have to pre-plan and put on a harness. You don’t have to struggle with a dildo hanging awkwardly while you do other types of sexy play. You don’t have to even think about using a strapless strap-on until the moment hits!
A strapless strap-on also allows both partners to be stimulated at the same time. The spur on the strapless strap-on provides a feeling of fullness in the vagina.
Some are shaped in a way that the wearer gets their G-spot stimulated while they use it on a partner.
Some even come with vibrating options, allowing a lot of stimulation for both partners.
Strapless strap-ons can offer a gender-affirming option for some folks. If you happen to be born with a vagina but feel like you should have a penis, the strapless strap-on provides you with one without decreasing your sense of stimulation or pleasure.
How do you use a strapless strap-on?
All models of strapless strap-ons work in pretty much the same way. The wearer inserts the bulb into their vagina and then uses the dildo extension to penetrate a partner.
The biggest problem most users run into is how to hold onto the bulb. The vagina gets slick!
Even without added sex lubricant, as a person with a vagina is stimulated, the vagina will lubricate which often fights keeping a firm grip on the bulb.
There are ways to improve your chances of holding on and keeping the strapless strap-on in place.
Do your Kegels
The Kegel muscles are the muscles which strengthen the pelvic floor. To locate them, when you are urinating, stop the stream of urine and notice which muscles engage to do this. Then return to urinating and notice which muscles relax.
When you are not urinating, practice contracting these muscles for 10 seconds and then releasing them. Repeat this 10 times.
You can do these exercises several times a day. This will develop the Kegels which help hold the bulb in place.
If you need help focusing on Kegel exercises, purchasing a toy to help you focus on the exercises and add some pleasure may be useful. You can opt for a set of weighted Kegel balls with vibration.
This will make Kegel exercises both helpful and pleasurable.
For people looking for a more high-tech option, the Elive is a toy which connects to your phone via blue tooth.
It tracks your contractions and strength of the contraction, giving you instant feedback about the effectiveness of your exercising.
Do not clench your butt!
Some people will clench their anal sphincter and butt muscles thinking this will help contract their Kegel muscles and hold the strapless strap-on in place.
Clenching these muscles does exactly the opposite! You lose grip power when you clench your glutes and anal sphincter. Relax these muscles to help keep the toy in place.
Pick the right model for You
While strapless strap-ons are based on the design of an upper case ‘L,’ there are differences in the designs which can make some models a better fit for you than others.
Consider bulb size
The bulb size varies on strapless models.
If you have a smaller vagina and do not enjoy large insertables, finding a smaller sized bulb will assist in keeping it in place.
If you have a deeper vagina or enjoy large insertables, choosing a larger sized bulb may work better for you.
For people who want larger options, consider Fun Factory’s ShareVibe. The wearable end is over five inches in length and more than 19 cm in diameter.
For most wearers, this will put the insertable end well past the G-spot and provide a significant bulb to clench.
For people who enjoy a feeling of vaginal fullness but would like a smaller item to hold inside them, try the Strap Me On Vibrator.
This vibe comes with a smaller egg-shaped bulb to hold inside your vagina while the stem connecting it to the dildo is very thin.
The difference between the egg and stem means some wearers will find this dildo much easier to hold onto than other bulb shapes.
Consider dildo size
The wearer is not the only party who has to be happy with the shareable dildo! When choosing a strapless strap-on, you want to make sure the dildo end will work for the person or people you plan to use it with.
Like the bulb size, the dildo end comes in a variety of size options.
If you are penetrating someone who enjoys a deeper penetration, the insertable length of the dildo should be long enough to reach the spots they enjoy.
If you are penetrating someone who is either new to penetration or who is new to anal play, you may want to choose a dildo which is shorter and more narrow than most of the options out there.
Using the strapless strap-on
The concept behind strapless strap-ons is that they can be used the same way a biological penis is engaged.
The reality is, depending on your pelvic floor strength, your experience, and your ability to thrust, some types of sex can be more difficult with a strapless strap-on.
If you are penetrating a partner where there is some tightness or resistance (such as anal penetration), you will need significant pelvic floor strength to hold the strapless strap-on in place.
If you are finding this to be difficult, try choosing a position where you can use your thighs to help hold the dildo in place.
Cowgirl sex position
The person wearing the strapless dildo lies on their back while their partner straddles their waist. This allows the wearer to use their thighs as well as their Kegel muscles to hold the dildo in place. Additionally, their partner is the one engaging in the thrusting or riding of the dildo, minimizing the movement of the wearer.
This position is especially enjoyable if the bulb of the strapless strap-on offers vibrations. The wearer can lie back and enjoy the vibrations while their partner gets the joy of penetration and vibration at the same time!
Seated sex position
In this position, the wearer sits in a chair or on the edge of a bed. Their partner straddles their waist and rides the dildo. This allows the wearer to hold the dildo in place with a combination of Kegels, thighs, and pressure of the seat against the base of the dildo. This is the most stable position to use a strapless strap-on for anal penetration of a partner.
What if it STILL slips out?
Sometimes, regardless of how many Kegels you do and how much you adjust your positions, the bulb will still slip out! This can be very frustrating.
If this continues to be an issue, there are solutions.
Buy a harness
Having to use a harness for a strap-on is not the end of the world. In the past decade, toy makers have introduced a large number of designs and sizes to accommodate most bodies. They now come in lacy panty options, boy shorts, classic adjustable strap harnesses, and thigh harnesses. The variety of options allows a wearer to choose the ones which allow for the most stability and gender affirmation you desire.
If you originally opted for a strapless strap-on because it allows the wearer to get direct sensation when penetrating a partner, you may want to consider adding a dildo base cushion to strap-on play. These cushions are designed to provide stimulation to the wearer while they are using a strap-on with a partner.
Another alternative to a strapless strap-on, using a harness designed for the wearer to have an insertable toy at the same time as penetrating a partner will accommodate this. The Tomboi series offers a number of different harnesses which allow for double penetration, the use of vibrating bullets, and more.
About the author
Rebecca Blanton, aka Auntie Vice, is a writer and kink educator. She holds a Ph.D. (abd) in Political Psychology and a BA in Psychology.
Their work focuses on gender, power, and kink//BDSM. She runs the award-winning blog LoveLettersToAUnicorn.com and has published several books, including The Big Workbook for Submissives, a finalist for the 2018 Golden Flogger Award. She has taught about kink and submission for the past seven years.
She regularly performs stand-up and storytelling. Prior to turning her attention to kink education and writing, she served as the Executive Director for the California Commission on the Status of Women and Girls and worked as a Senior Policy Analyst for the California Research Bureau.