How to use long-distance sex toys: Practical tips on choosing, setup, play

My hubby worked away for a few months last year, and not being able to share a bed, snuggle up, or have sex proved challenging.

We tried talking dirty on the phone, but it didn’t really do it for us, so we decided to invest in a couple of long-distance sex toys.

What a great decision - the interactive devices were so much fun, helped us stay connected, and provided us with the intimacy we craved.

If you’re in a long-distance relationship, read on to find out how to use long-distance sex toys.

Choosing the right long-distance sex toy

We were bowled over by the variety of long-distance sex toys on the market. There’s an array of remote-controlled devices designed to turn you on from afar by way of smartphone apps, wireless remotes, and the internet.

We shopped around for toys with reliable apps, strong connectivity, and features that enable real-time control.

There are all sorts of exciting vibrators designed for vagina and penis owners. Vibrators (including wearable ones) and masturbators galore, along with G-spot massagers, anal beads, and plugs.

The long-distance concept is simple: you wear, use, or hold the sex toy, and your partner gets to use the remote or app to tease and torment you from afar.

Your partner gets to control the vibrations, and you get to enjoy shedloads of sexy fun. Handing the power over can be tantalizing; after all, you’re not sure what buttons your lover will be pressing, and they get to choose and set the patterns and intensity.

The element of surprise adds a real buzz to proceedings - in more ways than one!

Setting up the toys

Technological advances have transformed the way we interact and connect, and that applies to sex toys as well as other devices.

Read: Teledildonics 101: The Wild World of Smart Sex Toys & Interactive Pleasure

Whilst my other half and I are not exactly technophobes, we don’t want long-distance sex toys that are overly complicated to set up and use. Thankfully, most are relatively straightforward and have detailed instructions too.

I would suggest doing your homework to find a simple device if you’re new to long-distance sex toys.

When you get one, read the instructions and get familiar by playing around with your new toy. Ensure you both download the app and pair your devices, and give your gadget a test run to make sure the connection is safe and easy to use.

You don’t want to be messing around mid sex; there’s no better way to spoil the moment than to have to pause to mess about with buttons.

We kicked off our quest for long-distance fun with a wireless remote-control vibrator. We familiarized ourselves with it before we went our separate ways and made sure we both understood how to use it.

We were very excited to try out the powerful gizmo (boasting ten patterns and intensity levels). It was smooth and compact, and I could slip it into my panties - I had high hopes that the daily commute to and from work might be more interesting going forward!

How to play with long-distance sex toys

We love to sex-periment, and long-distance sex toys are ripe for exploration and discovery. We tried out different ways to play with our toys and enjoyed teasing and pleasing each other, even though we were miles apart.

Don’t be afraid to try out different settings, patterns, and intensity levels - it’s a great way to find out what works for you.

We decided to set a time for our first real-time long-distance sex session - 8.30pm on an otherwise dull Thursday. I spent the day working on a report, followed by an uninspiring trip to the supermarket.

My man had a busy day attending meeting after meeting; it’s fair to say we were both in need of some fun. We spent the day grabbing cheeky moments to send naughty texts to one another, which created lots of sexual tension.

Read: Sexy, naughty, dirty texts for sexting your long-distance lover

By the time 8.30 came around, we were gagging for it, and when my mobile rang, I picked up instantly!

My lover instructed me to remove my panties and touch myself, which I dutifully did. With him firmly in control, I enjoyed placing the vibrator on my pussy and awaiting my fate. My guy didn’t disappoint, using the app to control the patterns and intensity of the sex toy to work me up into a sexual frenzy.

For the next session, we decided we would combine play with a video call. Seeing each other and being able to talk (almost) face to face added an extra sexy dimension to our long-distance fun.

Read: 12 FaceTime Sex Positions That Will Take Your LDR To Another Level

It certainly helped with the intimacy factor, as in the past, we ended up feeling disconnected when apart for long periods.

Syncing toys for mutual pleasure

Whilst exploring the long-distance sex toy market, we also discovered that some long-distance toys can sync. When you sync the toys, they work in unison, so one toy mimics the movements or sensations of the other.

We found syncing sex toys to be great fun, as we were able to feel each other's movements, allowing us to feel more connected, despite the distance.

Creative ways to use long-distance sex toys

There are plenty of ways to use long-distance sex toys, as we were over the moon to discover. We tried and tested lots of different ideas to keep things interesting during our enforced absence.

As I mentioned earlier, we are fans of scheduled play, so we often set a specific date and time for a long-distance sex toy session.

The sexual anticipation built throughout the day, and the cheeky messages (and the odd rude pic) set us both on edge, so we were desperate to get it on by the time we kicked off our session.

Read: How to Build Sexual Tension With a Long-Term Partner

Some people find messaging difficult, but you can always ring one another for a naughty chat (if you can both find a quiet and private place).

We enjoyed a “teasing session” which involved my hubby taking charge of the sex toy to tease me mercilessly. He took great delight in unexpectedly changing the intensity of the vibrations, watching me moan, groan, and buck with pleasure as the vibrations changed from slow and delicate to fast and powerful.

As much as I enjoyed my lover at the helm, I decided we should play fair, so I instigated a control swap session. We set a timer, allowing him to take charge for a set time.

After that period, I would take control and get my own back by tormenting him, before the timer instructed me to hand control back, and so on.

Back and forth we went, doing our best to turn each other into jelly and engaging in a sexual joust to see who would cum first.

Incorporating long-distance toys into BDSM dynamics

My hubby and I are into BDSM (bondage, dominance/discipline, sadism/submission, and masochism).

We like to play in a variety of ways and regularly include role-play, impact, and bondage in our scenes.

We have a solid power dynamic, where my man is Dominant and I am submissive, and despite our long-term experience, we still find it tricky to bolster that dynamic when my lover is away.

That’s where app-controlled long-distance sex toys come into their own. My Dominant partner gets to take control, ensuring he is in charge of how and when the sex toy is used.

I have to use it at a specific time, in a specific location, and I get myself worked up knowing I’m going to be at his mercy.

My guy pulls the sexual strings, orchestrating the pace and intensity. I have no choice but to open my legs, lie back, and accept that I’m going to be driven into a sex-fueled state.

With my Dom deciding when and how I receive pleasure, I feel helpless and exposed (exactly as I like it).

I’m not able to cum until he allows me to, and I find myself writhing with pleasure, moaning with ecstasy, and before long, begging him to let me cum.

He loves making me wait, and will sometimes pause mid-session and simply leave me panting and waiting, unsure when he will recommence the exquisite torture.

Read: Making Your Long-Distance D/s Relationship Work

Long-distance sex toys to enhance your sex life

Many of us face the challenge of being away from our partners at some point, be it a temporary or long-term situation.

We’re lucky that technology has moved on in leaps and bounds over the years, providing a whole host of useful gadgets, especially long-distance sex toys.

If you’re apart from your lover and want to bridge the gap, I would highly recommend using a long-distance sex toy to maintain intimacy and stay connected.

Have fun experimenting and explore new ways to pleasure one another, no matter how far away you are.