You asked:
I live with my parents and donβt have much experience with sex toys. I recently got a new dildo, but I canβt seem to get it in, no matter how much I try. My old one was 1" in diameter, and this new one is 1.4", so I thought it wouldnβt be that different-but it just wonβt go in. Any tips on what I can do?
Grace:
There are many reasons why you might be struggling with penetration, and if you are experiencing pain then it might be worth visiting a doctor who could access you for something like vaginismus.
However, before you start to worry, there are absolutely things you can do first to try and make penetration easier. For instance, what kind of lube are you using? A thicker one like Sliquid Sassy will be the most effective. Itβs made for anal but works great for any hole, and itβs got that extra cushiony feel that really helps when youβre trying to ease in something a bit bigger than you're used to.
Also, Iβd say start with your smaller toy and let yourself have a few orgasms with that first. You'll want to be as relaxed as possible, so wait for your parents to be out of the house and make sure to really set the mood! Good luck.
Frequently asked questions about vaginal penetration
Why do I struggle to penetrate?
Short answer: there are many possible reasons - tight pelvic floor muscles, not enough arousal or lubrication, anxiety, a past painful experience, or medical conditions like vaginismus. Quick things to try: give yourself more time (longer foreplay or masturbation), use plenty of lube, breathe and relax, start with a finger or small toy, and try shallow, slow insertion. If pain is severe or persistent, see a clinician - conditions like vaginismus are treatable.
How can I relax for deeper (or easier) penetration?
Practical steps include slow belly breathing, a warm bath, having a few orgasms beforehand, and progressive exposure (finger β small toy β larger toy). Exercises that help: pelvic-floor relaxation (slow exhales while imagining letting go), gentle stretching, and practicing insertion when youβre already relaxed. Pro tip: schedule practice sessions when you wonβt be interrupted - privacy and mindset make a big difference.
What lube should I use to make penetration easier?
Choose a thicker, slippery formulation (often labeled for anal use or βthickβ) for a cushioned glide that helps when sizing up. Apply generously to the toy and your vulva. Safety note: some silicone lubes can degrade silicone toys, so when in doubt use a high-quality water- or hybrid-based lube and check product labels. Clean toys after use.
Iβm used to a 1" toy and the 1.4" wonβt go in - how do I work up to it?
Use a gradual approach: spend relaxed sessions with the smaller toy and focus on arousal (orgasms can help relax muscles). Move to a slightly larger toy or a tapered dilator set, use lots of lube, insert the tip and pause (stopβstart), and favor shallow, rocking movements rather than forcing deep thrusts. If this is recurring or painful, consider guided dilator work with a clinician.
Which positions or tricks make penetration easier and more comfortable?
Positions that give easy control include woman-on-top (you control angle/depth), spooning (shallow and gentle), and modified missionary with a pillow under the hips to change angle. Other helpful tricks: tilt your pelvis, raise or lower hips to adjust angle, and use rocking (base movement) instead of deep thrusting to focus sensation without pressure.
When should I see a doctor or pelvic floor physical therapist?
See a clinician if you experience sharp pain, bleeding, or if penetration is consistently impossible despite relaxation and gradual steps. A pelvic floor physical therapist or gynecologist can evaluate for vaginismus, infections, scarring, or other causes - many issues improve with therapy or guided dilator work. Unsure where to start? A primary care or sexual-health clinic visit is a good first step.
If youβd like, I can rewrite these as one-line sidebar answers or expand any answer into a step-by-step practice plan (breathing script, toy progression, recommended positions).