You asked:

My girlfriend and I are thinking about exploring toys for the first time, but she’s a lesbian and prefers something that doesn’t look like a penis. We’d like something on the smaller side too, since girthier toys are intimidating for her. So probably something that's a little under average? Doesn't matter if it vibrates or not. Any beginner-friendly recommendations?

Grace:

We actually have a whole section for non-phallic dildos at The Sex Shed, which sounds like a perfect place for y’all to start!

Also, when it comes to vibrators, most of them aren’t phallic in design anyway, and they’re usually smaller than your average dildo too. If you want something less intimidating size-wise, vibrators might be a better fit. Two solid picks: the Hot Octopuss KURVE and the We-Vibe Nova 2.

Frequently asked questions about non-phallic penetrable toys

What exactly is a β€œnon-phallic” penetrable toy - and why pick one?

A non-phallic penetrable toy is any insertable toy that doesn’t look like a penis - for example abstract shapes, bulbs, curves, smooth wands, or glass/metal rods. People choose them because they decenter the penis, can feel less performative or triggering for some users, and many designs reach different internal spots (G‑spot, A‑spot, prostate) more easily than a straight realistic shaft.

I’m nervous about size - what’s actually β€œbeginner-friendly”?

Look for terms like β€œsmall,” β€œslim,” β€œbeginner,” or β€œtravel.” Choose tapered tips and slim shafts for easier insertion. As a simple guideline, consider insertable girth under about 4.5 in (circumference) or a diameter under ~1.5 in, with an insertable length around 3–4.5 in if you want shorter options. A slim, gently tapered glass or silicone toy often feels least intimidating.

Vibrator or dildo - which is better for a first time?

Vibrators are often less phallic and usually smaller, making them great for easing in; they also add clitoral stimulation. Dildos (including non‑phallic shapes) are good if you want purely penetrative sensation or a specific internal curve. Examples of approachable non‑phallic vibrators include the Hot Octopuss KURVE and the We‑Vibe Nova 2.

What materials are safe - and which should I avoid?

Prefer non‑porous, body‑safe materials like medical‑grade silicone, borosilicate glass, stainless steel, or high‑quality dual‑density silicone - these clean well and don’t harbor bacteria. Avoid porous materials such as jelly, rubber, or low‑grade plastic unless you use a condom over them and replace them often.

How do we make first-time penetration comfortable and enjoyable?

Communicate, breathe, and take your time. Use plenty of lube and start externally or with fingers to warm up, then try a small tapered toy. Relax pelvic muscles and go slow - stop or change pressure if it’s uncomfortable. If helpful, use dilators or an anal trainer set for gradual practice and always use a flared base for anal play.

Cleaning, lube, and care - quick do’s and don’ts

Do clean non‑porous toys with toy cleaner or mild soap and warm water after each use; boil glass/metal if the toy’s instructions allow. Dry and store separately (soft pouch). Use water‑based lube with silicone toys (silicone lube can degrade silicone); with glass or metal you can use silicone or water‑based lubes. Don’t share uncleaned toys without a condom, and don’t use porous toys without a barrier if you want to reduce infection risk.

Want shopping help?

Check the non-phallic dildos collection here, or try the KURVE Hot Octopuss KURVE and Nova 2 We‑Vibe Nova 2 if you want approachable vibrators. If you’d like, I can suggest 4–6 specific beginner models (sizes and links) based on your preferences - would you prefer all‑vibe picks, purely non‑vibrating, or a mixed starter kit?