Sex for people with bigger bodies is most often impacted by fears about being judged dislike of our own bodies. Most media show thin people being worthy of sex and pleasure.

Bigger people either have to “earn” the right to sex (e.g., they are really funny and supportive, they lose weight) or they are given a “pity” romp. This messaging is enough to undermine anyone’s body confidence.

Sex for people with bigger bodies of any gender can be very pleasurable and quite hot!

Understanding how you might want to adapt various sex positions to make it more comfortable provides you with tools to get into the moment and stop judging yourself.

Step One: Getting in the Mood

Before you are ready to get hot and heavy with a partner, you need to get yourself into the headspace for sex.

This means you need to feel a bit sexy yourself. For some of us, this includes a grooming ritual such as shaving our legs, trimming our beard, or putting on lipstick. For others, this might include dressing up in lingerie, having a collar put on by your Dominant, or stripping naked.

Whatever gets you into the mood for sexy time, indulge in it!

When it comes to lingerie and sex clothing, wear what feels good and what makes you feel sexy. Ignore articles about “dressing for your size” or what “flatters” bigger bodies.

These articles are almost always written by straight sized people who believe any fat should be hidden, disguised and stuffed into uncomfortable “shape wear” rather than part of you to be flaunted and exalted.

If you enjoy role play or sexy lingerie, finding things that fit can be challenging!

Luckily, more sites are catering to bigger bodies.

For example, the classic “Sexy French Maid” look is offered here from a small to a 4x. You can now find plus sized cage-panties and bra sets, sexy lace boxer briefs for waists up to 42”, and leather bondage suits for bigger bodies.

Having sexy clothes that fit your body goes a long way to helping you feel confident during sex.

Step Two: Removing Obstacles

Many people, regardless of gender, have a fraught relationship with our bodies.

There are parts you can appreciate and may even like, and there are parts you struggle to embrace.

If you have a hard time embracing yourself physically, that is not a reason to deny yourself sexual pleasure and connection with partners.

Find ways to make you and your partners comfortable during sex.

If you start to criticize yourself when you see your reflection in a mirror, it can be useful to position any mirrors in your bedroom where you won’t catch a glimpse of you in the middle of sexy time. It is wonderful to reach a point where you love yourself and accept your body.

However, you don’t have to reach this point of acceptance before getting down and dirty. Just remove or move mirrors to lower the chance you will see your reflection and lose the desire to have sex.

Lighting can also be a barrier for some people. If you carry shame around your body and having bright lighting detracts from you feeling confident, dim the lights.

Even Katherine Hepburn, a beautiful actress, used to say the best beauty tool she had was a dimmer switch!

Dimmer switches, lighting by candlelight, and lowering the wattage of your lamp bulbs in the bedroom can go a long way to helping you feel comfortable while naked.

Step 3: Finding Comfortable Positions

Sex for people with bigger bodies is not very different than for anybody else.

There will be positions which are more comfortable, easier to get the sensations you desire, and ones you love.

As with any sex position, you will need to adjust these to meet your specific needs.

Doggy Style

Doggy style sex position for plus-size people

This is a great position for almost anyone!

The partner being penetrated is supported by their knees, their arms and upper body, and can help control the depth of penetration by widening their stance or closing it and with the arch of their back.

The penetrating partner is on their knees and uses their hands for balance and support.

For bigger bodied people in the penetrating position, lift your belly up to allow for better access to your genitals. Feel free to rest your belly on your partner’s bottom.

This creates increased closeness and allows for greater penetration by your penis or any dildo you might be wearing.

If the larger bodied person is on the bottom, use your hands to push back against a solid surface (headboard, wall) to help deepen penetration.

This position also allows you to reduce penetration by rounding your spine or inching forward.

If either partner has knee issues, doing doggy style on a mattress or padded surface can help reduce the pressure on the knees.

Kneepads are also an option. They add support and comfort. Also, coming into the bedroom wearing nothing but kneepads makes a very sexy statement!

Doggy style can also be helpful if the penetrating partner has hip problems. This position allows for more leg and back assistance in thrusting.

For people who experience fatigue or pain when thrusting in the missionary position, doggy style is a great alternative.


Cowgirl sex position for plus-size people

Cowgirl is another great position for people with bigger bodies. Regardless of if the person who is bigger is riding or on botting, cowgirl offers a lot of benefits.

If the bigger bodied person is on the bottom, this is a great chance to lie back and enjoy the view!

You may want to assist by lifting your stomach up at first to help your partner comfortably access your penis or any dildo you might be wearing.

Once the riding partner is comfortable, feel free to relax and use your hands to touch them or yourself.

For the person riding, you may want to lift your belly a bit while getting situated and then let it relax while you ride.

If you find that riding upright becomes tiring, leaning forward and holding onto the wall or headboard can help support you while you continue to ride.

Leaning forward like this also means your partner can access your chest to kiss it or suck on your nipples.

If you find that the penetration is not as deep as you or a partner desire, using a pillow or sex wedge under the person on the bottom can elevate the hips and increase penetration.

Firm pillows designed for this type of support, like the Pillo by Dame, are especially helpful if your mattress is soft or your partner needs a bit of back support.

If you are having sex on the floor or other firm surface, the person riding might want pillows or a mat to cushion their knees. Using even a thin yoga mat during sex can reduce the fatigue and pain on the knees for the rider.

Counter Service

Counter service  sex position for plus-size people

Sitting on a kitchen counter provides a great place to have sex. Most countertops are approximately 33 inches high.

This is slightly longer than the average inseam and about hip-height for a majority of people. It works best if the seated partner has a vagina.

The seated partner sits at the edge of the countertop. The insertive partner stands between their legs to enter them. This is also a great position for non-insertive sex.

Use this position to finger the seated partner, kiss them, and play with their nipples and chest.

The standing partner can pull the seated partner in for a close embrace and kiss or bite the nape of their neck as desired.


Butterfly sex position for plus-size people

The butterfly position is a great position not only for people with bigger bodies, but also for people with limited mobility of their lower body.

This position has the partner being penetrated lie on their back on the edge of the bed. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the bed. The person on their back raises their legs into a “V” position.

The ankles of the penetrated partner can rest on the shoulders of the standing partner for support, if desired.

This position offers multiple benefits. First if the person being penetrated is bigger bodied, this position allows for almost no pressure on any joints.

Additionally, a larger abdomen will not get in the way during penetration.

For the person penetrating, this is a standing position. This can be more comfortable for bigger bodied people than positions requiring they kneel or support their upper bodies with their arms and shoulders.

This position allows for eye contact and a lot of control. The leg position of the penetrated partner can be adjusted to meet their specific needs.

If straight legs puts too much pressure on your knees or back, you can bend your knees and put them on your partner’s hips for support. More comfortable with one leg extended and one leg bent? Go for it!

You can add a pillow or support under the hips of the person lying on the bed to raise them to meet the height of the penetrating partner, making it more comfortable for both people.

Tilting the pelvis of the penetrative partner upward with a wedge pillow will allow for deeper penetration if that is desired.

This position is comfortable for both anal and vaginal penetration, making it highly adaptable for all genders.

If the penetrating partner is shorter, you may want to forego a pillow for support to keep the person at a comfortable height.

The Seated Position

The Seated Sex Position

In this position, one person sits on a chair or the edge of the bed. The second partner sits on their lap. This position allows both partners to contribute to their weight support by keeping feet on the floor.

This is a very intimate position with lots of skin to skin contact as well.

The person sitting in the chair can opt to penetrate their partner vaginally or anally. The partner being penetrated can assist by leaning forward a bit to get the angle right as things get started.

If you want to do things other than penetrative sex, this position allows both partners access to the seated person’s genitals, breasts/chest, and kissing their neck, shoulders and back.

Increasing the amount and style of touching can increase arousal for both partners.

Missionary Plus

Missionary plus sex position for plus-size people

Missionary plus is missionary style, but one leg is raised to a comfortable level.

For many bigger bodied people, raising one leg to their partner’s shoulder or around their partner’s waist makes penetration during missionary much more comfortable.

If you move your leg up and out to the side a bit, this will also increase access to your genital area for you and your partner.

Missionary plus allows for eye contact and a lot of intimacy. Weather you enjoy fast thrusting or long, slow strokes, this position easily accommodates it.

Additionally, when the penetrated partner’s leg is up on the penetrating partner’s shoulder, it allows for extra support for the penetrating partner and can reduce exertion.

When you are in this position, try adding some kissing, gently stroking of their chest or hair, and eye contact.

These moves will help you connect more deeply with your partner and stay in the moment. Sexy talk can also be added if you both enjoy it.

It can be quite fun to watch your partner’s face in this position as you say something dirty and flirty.

Its Not Just About Penetration

While a lot of sex advice focuses on penetrative sex, a lot of great sex does not involve penetration involving a penis and vagina. Everyone, people of every body size, benefit from moving their focus from penetrative sex to other pleasurable activities.

Oral Sex

Oral sex is amazingly pleasurable for many people- both giving and receiving. For bigger people, positions requiring extended kneeling or having a partner sit on your face may not be functional for an extended period. Try these positions for oral satisfaction.

The Lazy Sunday

Lazy Sunday sex position for plus size people

This works for partners of any gender combination. The partner receiving oral sex lies on their back.

The person giving oral sex lies on their stomach between their partner’s legs.

On most beds, this will require people to either lay diagonally or for the giver to bend their knees. 

This position affords easy access to your partner’s genitals for oral sex. It also provides enough support for the giver that they can use their hands or toys for additional stimulation.

The Secretary

The Secretary oral sex position for plus-size people

This position works best if the person receiving has a penis. The giver sits in a chair or on the edge of a bed. The receiver stands in front of them.

Find a chair of the right height or use pillows under the partner who is sitting to raise them to the right height and prevent their neck from cramping.

Ideally, the receiver’s penis should be a few inches below the giver’s chin.

This position fully supports the person giving head, allowing them to use their hands to stimulate the shaft, testicles, or anus of the receiver.

The Bridge

The Bridge oral sex position for plus size people

This position works for partners of any gender combination.

The person receiving lays on their back and enters a bridge pose (knees bent at a 90-degree angle to the floor and then raise your hips). If you do not have the strength to maintain this position (or don’t want to worry about it), use a wedge or pillow under your back to help support you.

The partner performing oral sex lays, stomach down, between the receiver’s legs.

The rise of the hips means the giver is about eye level and can comfortably perform oral sex without pressure on their neck, knees, or other joints.

Remote Control Toys

Using remote control toys

Remote control toys are a great option for extending the type of sexual play you engage in. If your partner has a clitoris and vagina, it can be fun to get a wearable remote control device such as the WeVibe Chorus or the Funn Versa T Sleeve. A partner can control the sensations on genitals while engaging in kissing, nipple and breast play, or other enjoyable activities.

For anyone who enjoys anal play, using a remote-controlled butt plug is a great addition to sex. Try inserting something like the B-Vibe Rimming Plug before sex. Let your partner control the remote while you pleasure each other.

For people with penises, try adding a vibrating cock ring. Hot Octopus offers the Jett - a cock ring which comes with two vibrating eggs, each offering a different type of vibration to stimulate different ways. The vibrating eggs sit on the frenulum and are controlled remotely with a small handheld control. This allows a partner to be stimulated while you work on kissing, sucking their nipples, or other pleasurable options.

Sex Machines

Riding a sex machine

For people who have difficulty with sexual activity because of size, erectile dysfunction, or other concerns, you still have options to connect with your partners and experience pleasure.

Sex machines are one set of options.

Sex machines are becoming increasingly popular! Machines like the Cowgirl offer a ride-atop machine which works with almost any body. This machine can be ridden by one partner and watched by the other, which is pleasurable for both people!

There are also blowjob machines. For people who find positions for oral sex uncomfortable or difficult, a blow job machine is a great option.

You can use the machine on your partner or use it on yourself while a partner watches. Seeing your significant other (or at least significant for tonight) get aroused is arousing for the viewer as well.

Mutual Masturbation

Mutual masturbation

Not nearly enough couples explore mutual masturbation. Masturbating next to your partner and watching each other is incredibly intimate and a great way to learn how they like to be touched. Lie or sit next to one another.

Masturbate the way you enjoy, and your partner does the same. Watch each other to see what types of touch turns them on. Listen to each other’s breathing and moans.

Kissing while mutually masturbating can feel incredibly passionate and intimate.

Because masturbation is something most of us were told not to do or to only do in private, choosing to share this activity with a partner can convey trust and safety.

Adding kissing to the mix adds another form of intimate connection and can heighten the pleasure for both of you.

Final Considerations

For bigger bodied people, it can take a lot of courage to want to be intimate with another person.

Most bigger bodied people have been shamed about their size by people who matter to them. Choosing to share your body with another person conveys a level of trust.

Taking time to compliment, love, and embrace your body and that of your partner helps ease the fear and slowly lessens the shame people carry.

Work gently touching and compliments into your sex play. Stroking your partner’s inner thighs and lovingly kissing them helps put them at ease.

Offering genuine compliments will foster connection and intimacy.

It is important to remember that people with bigger bodies (whether it is you or a partner) have learned to hate their body. T

ouching parts that someone has a lot of shame around can be triggering. Touching someone’s belly, thighs, butt, or underarms can be upsetting and take the person out of a sexy headspace. 

Communicate with your partner around what body parts are okay to touch and which ones they are not ready to share with you yet. Be honest about your own limitations in these areas.

All bodies deserve love and pleasure. All bodies can give love and pleasure. Communication is key with all forms of sex.

This guide simply gives you options for how to engage in great sex with any body type.

About the author

Rebecca Blanton aka Auntie Vice

Rebecca Blanton, aka Auntie Vice, is a writer and kink educator. She holds a Ph.D. (abd) in Political Psychology and a BA in Psychology.

Their work focuses on gender, power, and kink//BDSM. She runs the award-winning blog and has published several books, including The Big Workbook for Submissives, a finalist for the 2018 Golden Flogger Award. She has taught about kink and submission for the past seven years.

She regularly performs stand-up and storytelling. Prior to turning her attention to kink education and writing, she served as the Executive Director for the California Commission on the Status of Women and Girls and worked as a Senior Policy Analyst for the California Research Bureau.