The thought of having a whole hand inserted into my pussy used to freak me out, but fast forward and I’ve discovered fisting isn’t as dramatic as it sounds.
It’s a fun sexual act but fisting can be nerve-wracking if you’re new to it.
Whether you’re going it alone or playing with a friend, take a look at my vaginal fisting for a beginner's guide.
Solo fisting
If I’m fisting myself, I start with the practical. Hygiene matters so my nails are trimmed and smooth, and I make sure my hands are as clean as a whistle.
Dirt and germs are a no go and I always remove rings and bracelets as bling and fisting don’t sit well together.
Once I’ve prepped, I’ll find a quiet and comfy place to play. I find setting the scene helps so I clear away bedroom clutter, light my fave fragranced candle and put on some mood music to help me relax.
I get the things I need to hand, such as water, lube, wipes and clean towels.
As a nervous newbie you’ll be wanting to take it slow, so allow plenty of time for fisting fun. It’s perfectly natural to feel nervous but it’s worth remembering that the vaginal canal is very stretchy - after all a baby can travel along it!
Read more: A Beginner’s Guide to Vaginal Fisting
When it comes to inserting anything into my vagina, lube is my go-to. Lubricant helps to make insertion more comfortable and I find the experience more pleasurable. I insert a finger and follow this with another, moving onto full fisting only when I’m ready.
Partner fisting
If you’re going to try fisting with a partner you will need to have an open discussion first. Agree consent, talk about expectations, identify boundaries and set a safe word/signal. Once you’ve had a chat, you’re onto the main event.
Read more: SSC, RACK PRICK, CCCC, and FRIES explained - practical negotiation & aftercare
Hygiene remains an important element, with a clean vagina, clean hands and smooth nails topping the list. As per solo play there should be no bracelets or rings getting in the way as they can cause injury.
I prefer my lover to wear gloves when he fists me. Medical grade gloves keep things fresh and reduce resistance. Gloves also guard against any cuts or grazes, but if you’re fisting multiple partners don’t forget to use a new pair of gloves for each.
Just as I do when I’m solo fisting I set the scene, gathering water, lube, wipes and a clean towel as I do for solo fun, to make sure we have what we need nearby.
Read more: How to use lube and 9 sexy ideas to try: Tips for applying, warming, and toy use
I find a quiet spot, putting us both at ease with chilled music and low-lit lighting. Once we’re both ready my man sets to work squeezing lube onto his fingers and hand, liberally applying it to my pussy too.
On our first try my lover knew how nervous I felt, and assured me he would take his time when fisting my vagina. Foreplay is a must. The wetter I am, the more inviting my pussy becomes.
When we get turned on blood pumps to the vagina, creating natural lubricant and encouraging elasticity. We’ll kiss, stroke and tease - using our mouths, tongues, fingers and sex toys to get the party started.
The unmissable heat between my legs told me I was ready as his hand inched its way to my wet pussy. With his hand and my vagina smothered with lubricant, my lover starts by gently teasing my pussy lips before inserting one finger, then two.
I usually find myself moaning with pleasure at this point and he pushes a third and a fourth finger into me. From here it’s not a huge hop, skip and jump from four to five fingers, followed by the whole fist.
Techniques and positions for vaginal fisting
Fisting should be a gradual process; however, you decide to tackle it. If I’m playing alone, I like to sit up with my back against the head board. With my thighs spread wide I can access my pussy easily and see what I’m doing. If I’m playing with a partner we have a few options. I can lie on my back, sit up, or flip over for a doggy style.
When it comes to technique I find there are two main contenders - the finger at a time or the duck bill method. When I’m fisting alone, I prefer to insert one finger at a time as it feels like a slow and manageable process.
My lover tends to favor a technique he found online, affectionately called the duck bill technique.
He pushes his fingers together to form a sort of cone shape (resembling a duck’s bill – hence the name). The fingers can be slid in relatively smoothly using this method. Once you’re feeling confident and comfortable he can slide the rest of his hand in there too.
When you insert fingers or a fist into the vagina you’ll travel past the pubic bone and your hand will need to gently navigate natural resistance.
The vagina will stretch but don’t use force, if it feels like you’re stuck take a moment. You might need to adjust your position or use more lube - just take your time. Once the hand is in you can use pulsing and rocking motions to excite and arouse.
Watch: Fisting Made Easy: Fisting 101
If you’re playing solo, listen to your body, take time to understand what feels good and adjust your positioning if it doesn’t feel quite right.
If you’re playing with a partner, check in with each other. Be aware of one another’s reactions - body language and breathing can give a lot away. Fisting isn’t always straightforward, you might worry about tears down below, but if you’re gentle, using lube and check-in tearing is unlikely.
Getting the most from fisting
Fisting gives me a sexual thrill, and I think that’s down to the emotional impact as well as the physical. Fisting just feels a bit naughty - it’s taboo enough that some of my friends would balk at the thought of it (like I used to)!
Read more: The Thrill of the Forbidden: Why We Fetishize Taboos
I also enjoy the element of submission. My lover takes the lead and there’s a sense of exhilaration mixed with vulnerability. I can completely surrender as he burrows his fingers and hand into my vagina.
Physically, the feeling is like no other. I often use fingers and toys to bring myself off, but fisting delivers a pressure and intensity that completely gratifies.
The pressure, intensity and stretch combine for maximum pleasure. After doing my homework I discovered fisting stimulates a pleasure zone close to the A-spot (formally known as the anterior fornix). I get hugely aroused and, in the past, I’ve enjoyed knee-trembling orgasms that have brought tears to my eyes.
Vaginal fisting your way
Personally, I’m not keen on the name fisting, it sounds too harsh, but when it’s done correctly, fisting can be soft and smooth. It’s such an intimate act, but not something I’d think about engaging with just anyone. Fisting requires a level of trust and that’s something my guy and I have built up over time.
If full fisting feels too much, opt for a finger or two to get you started. Fisting (and the build up to fisting) should be fun, so don’t turn it into a desperate scramble to ram a whole hand in.
This is an experience you should want to repeat, so see every finger as a success! Always talk before play and make sure you prepare for fisting to get the most from the experience. It always pays to be risk aware, but enjoy it too.
Read more: A Beginner’s Guide to Anal Fisting