Erotic spanking: How to properly spank your partner?

Today, I’ll be giving the lowdown on one of my favorite topics, erotic spanking. I love nothing more than being bent over a bench, having knickers roughly pulled down and my cheeks reddened, and I’m over the moon to be able to discuss erotic spanking with you in all its glory. 

Hey kinky peeps, I’m Astolaine, the Sex Shed’s expert on all things BDSM (Bondage, Discipline/Domination, Submission/Sadism, Masochism). I regularly engage in impact, bondage, and oodles of other naughty play. You can find out more about me in the section below this piece – feel free to take a cheeky peek. 

I’ll explain what erotic spanking is and what it involves, how to talk to your partner about it, and how to do it. I’ll also run through the different impact play toys you can use be it spanking paddles, floggers, whips, crops, and canes, or even just the palm of your hand. Brace yourself, you’re in for a spanking good time…

What is erotic spanking?

Erotic spanking is a form of impact play where one person spanks another for sexual pleasure.

Spanking can be just for fun as part of play or it can be used to enhance a D/s (Dominant/submissive) dynamic.

If you’re not particularly kinky or into BDSM you can still engage in erotic spanking. It’s a great way to liven up foreplay and provide a few naughty sprinkles to vanilla fun. 

So why do people like to be slapped, thwacked, and smacked? Spanking causes your body to release endorphins, which trigger a euphoric response.

So, the person on the receiving end feels happier and less stressed. If you’re dishing out a spanking, you’re in for a treat too as it’s a great way to relax – especially if you enjoy dominating your partner. 

How to talk about erotic spanking with your partner 

If you have broached the subject of BDSM before or already play in that way, you should be able to talk openly with your partner about your kinky wishes.

However, if you’re a nervous newbie you might be feeling a little more apprehensive.

Wait until you have the time and privacy to talk properly, and keep things relaxed. If your partner is open to the idea of exploring erotic spanking you can discuss expectations and desires.

Talk about where and when you’re going to give erotic spanking a try.

This is the time to discuss boundaries too and identify safe words and signals to ensure play is safe as well as fun.

A traffic light system works well for impact play, with ''green'' indicating go for it, ''amber'' meaning let’s slow things down a little, and ''red'' indicating stop.

Check in with your partner regularly during play and don’t be tempted to go hardcore if it’s your first rodeo. 

How to spank your partner?

You’ve discussed erotic spanking with your partner and you’re both keen to give it a try, but before you grab a paddle and get whacking you need to do your homework. 

Certain areas of the body are spanking hot spots, in particular the areas with plenty of fat and muscle such as the butt cheeks and upper thighs.

Never spank the spine, hips, or body areas where vital organs are located as this could lead to serious injury. 

When you’re spanking the buttocks the majority of the smacks should land on the fleshy lower area of the cheeks.

The upper thighs (in particular the area where the butt meets the thighs) can take some spanking too, but the recipient will find this more painful so don’t go in heavy if you’re both inexperienced.

The lower thighs tend to be sensitive so take care and go easy if you’re spanking there. 

The key to a great erotic spanking session is to warm up first.

Light smacks with the hand will warm up the botty nicely, cover the whole area (buttocks and thighs), and increase the intensity slowly.

Spread the strokes evenly and check in with your partner to see if they want more (the traffic light system comes in handy here). 

Erotic spanking scenarios and methods 

There are many spanking scenarios you can try as part of a regular D/s dynamic or during roleplay.

Adding costumes, props, and tools can enhance impact play too. 

One of the most effective erotic spanking methods is the good old-fashioned OTK.

Pull your partner over your knee for a hand spanking. You can increase the intensity of the scene by spanking harder, removing clothing (a bare-bottom spanking can be very arousing), and talking dirty. 

If you don’t fancy OTK you can bend your partner over a chair, table, or bed.

Alternatively, ask them to get down on all fours, lie on their front, touch their toes, or stand straight facing a wall with their hands on their head.

Once you get into spanking you might want to invest in specialist equipment such as a spanking bench or St. Andrew’s Cross – you can secure your partner using restraints to ensure they stay put. 

Heighten the erotic spanking experience by using costumes and props. Swap your normal attire for sexy undies to set the tone or dress the part if you’re planning on engaging in role-play.

You could try out a teacher/student, police officer/convict, boss/employee, or Dr/patient scenario. 

Spanking also works well when mixed with other BDSM practices such as bondage.

Restraining your partner can add to the fun - handcuffs, bondage rope, bondage tape, and spreader bars can all be used to restrict your partner’s movements.

Add one of the blindfolds for sensory deprivation and you’ll drive your lover wild. 

Impact play toys

When it comes to impact play toys you’re spoiled for choice.

Hand spanking should be your first port of call but when you get the hang of that don’t be afraid to try out other tools.

Some provide thuddy impact, others sting. Let’s check out a few:

Spanking paddles 

Flat and usually with a wide surface and handle, spanking paddles can be flexible or solid and made from metal, wood, rubber, silicone, etc. You’ll find a range of colors and designs including textured paddles, paddles with words etched on, and furry paddles. 

Floggers 

Floggers consist of a handle with multiple strands (sometimes known as tails) attached. The spanking tools can vary in length and size and are made from materials including suede, leather, rubber, PVC, vinyl, and chainmail. 

Whips 

Not for the faint-hearted, whips are best suited to more advanced players. If you’re looking for a sharp bite with a sting in the tail the whip will be perfect. You’ll need a steady hand and a good aim, so practice striking a pillow before lashing out at your partner. It’s worth watching an instructional video or attending a whip workshop before you start playing too. 

Crops and canes

Both crops and canes can be good fun, but again, they are better suited to those with some spanking experience. Riding crops usually comprise a thick handle and a narrower shaft. At the tip, you’ll find a keeper which delivers a sting to the recipient. Canes are thin and flexible and made from bamboo wood or acrylic. They can be used to tap the skin or deliver powerful strikes that leave impressive stripes on bare flesh. 

Explore whips, riding crops & canes.

DIY toys 

You don’t need to invest in expensive spanking tools, have a look around your house and you’ll find all sorts of goodies you can use. Try using a hairbrush, a wooden spoon, a slipper, or a belt to deliver a DIY smack. 

Ready, steady, spank

Ensure erotic spanking sessions are successful by making safety and consent your priority.

To recap: discuss ideas, agree consent, outline expectations, set boundaries, identify safe words and signals, and do your homework before any play.

Check in during play and don’t forget to make time for a cuddle after erotic spanking and sexy fun.

Here’s to smacked bottoms and lots of naughty spanking fun for all. 

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