Debates about sexual pleasure have been banned in the past, but now it seems as sex is everywhere around us. We are aware of how essential sexuality is and why it is important to have a fulfilling sex life.

Spanking a partner over the knee

Many sexual practices can make sex more thrilling and exciting, especially for people in long-term relationships who want to boost the bedroom temperature. Curious couples and lovers can experiment with kinky sex and less or more intense BDSM practices.

You don’t have to introduce a kink into your life as extreme as many badly imagine. You don't even need special equipment, then the willing hand of your partner and the consent of each participant. We are talking about spanking, one of the most famous but controversial sexual activities. 

You may have already tried it, fantasized about it, or can’t decide if it is your thing, but there is a reason why spanking is so popular.

What is erotic spanking?

Erotic spanking is a form of impact play where one partner spanks their partner for sexual pleasure. It can be gentle, soft, rough, or intense and done by hand, paddle, belt, cane, or another spanking tool. 

Spanking is often combined with role-playing and dominance-submission play, where humiliation and punishment take place. Many lovers use it to enforce dominance and train their submissive partners.

But even if you’re not a BDSM fan, spanking can be a naughty sprinkle you may need during vanilla sex. You can use it for foreplay or spice up penetration with booty spanks. 

And why does this ancient type of punishment feel so good? During spanking, your body releases endorphins, which trigger a euphoric response in the receiver. They become happier, stress-free, and experience more pleasure. And the rush of endorphins and light feelings after are the reasons kinky lovers adore spanking.

Establish boundaries

Spanking - like other forms of impact play - must always be consensual. Don’t spontaneously ask your partner if they want to spank you during sex if you’ve never tried it before. 

Suggest spanking in a neutral place and time and ask for their opinion. If you are both enthusiastic about it, talk about your expectations and desires. Explore safe spanking areas and discuss your hard boundaries, which should always be respected.

Choose a safe word that will help you maintain consensual spanking at all times during the play. If you or your partner use the holy word, the act should stop without hesitation. If you want to express the level of pain while spanking, a traffic light system can come in handy.

The word "red" means to stop the spanking, the "yellow" slow it down or I'm reaching my limits and the "green" go for it. Your partner can then adjust the strength of their strokes according to your limits and consent.

Where to spank your partner? 

Before you start warming up your hand or buying a sexy paddle, get to know the safe and forbidden body areas for impact play. Spanking is usually limited to parts with more fat and muscles like are the buttocks and upper thighs.

Never spank the spine, tailbone, or hips and parts with vital organs to avoid serious injury. The green area in the picture is the safest, and 80% of the spanking should happen on the lower part of the buttocks. The yellow part on the upper thighs is a sweet-spicy area that can take some spanking. The lower thighs are a sensitive spot that can handle occasional soft hits.

The red top part on the picture is a forbidden area - never spank the upper third of the buttocks and above, as you may damage the tailbone or kidneys.

The key to helping you master erotic spanking is to evenly spread the strokes across the lower part of your buttocks. Practice with your partner and always communicate during the play. The receiver can use traffic light colours to express the pain level so that the giver can adjust the strokes.

How to spank your partner? 

Talk about it

Introduce the spanking idea to your partner and ask them if they want to join you and experiment together.

Discuss the play scenario

Talk about your expectations and design a sexy spanking scenario. Will you use any tools or costumes? Will you combine spanking with role-playing, bondage, or domination?

Follow safety tips

Choose safewords and symbols that will help you navigate the spanking. Talk about your boundaries, desires, concerns, and fears. Check safe body parts and spots that you should avoid.

Start lightly

Each person has a different pain tolerance, so start gently and listen to your lover. The giving partner can begin with soft and passionate spanks and continue with a harsher impact, cautious about their lover's response.

Check on your partner

During the play, check on your lover, ask them how they are doing, and adjust the intensity of spanks to their liking.

    Different ways to spank your partner

    Couples can use different tactics and ways to include spanking in their sex life:

    With the hand

    If you are a spanking beginner, use your hand to test the play for the first time. Many lovers love spanking with their bare hands because they can leave marks on their partner’s booty. 

    With sex toys

    The paddle is the perfect spanking toy for the firm and deep spanks. You can also use a whip or flogger, but these two tools are recommended for more advanced lovers. We use them for whipping and flogging, and they are - like spanking - forms of impact play, but much more intense and painful.

    Over the knee spanking

    The most notorious spanking position is over the knee, where the receiver lies in the giver's lap with their buttocks lifted and ready for the hitting.

    Doggy spanking

    In this position, the receiving partner can go on all fours or lie down on their belly and get some doggy-style smacking.

    Standing straight

    The giving lover can step behind the receiver and teach them a spanking lesson while they both stand.

    Over the furniture

    Submissive partners can also lean over the sofa, chair, and tabouret, while the giver enjoys their booty. You can also buy a spanking bench or spanking horse, the furniture designed for the spanking job.

    With costumes

    Partners can enjoy spanking naked, fully dressed, half-stripped as wearing only a skirt on lingerie or with different sexy costumes.  Many couples select the clothes that match their role play, like is the school uniform skirt. One of the most popular outfits is the spanking skirt with booty opening for easier smacking.

    With bondage

    Another BDSM practice and a perfect combination for spanking that will increase your arousal. You can tie your partner with a rope, bondage tape, or restraints and give them a taste of restrained spanking.

    With role-playing

    Want to spice up an already hot play? You and your partner can enjoy kinky erotic role-playing and involve spanking in a fantasy scenario. Get yourself some costumes to really enjoy your new identity.

    With dominance

    Spanking is a great sexual practice that can be used for submissive lessons with punishment and harassment performed by the dominant lover.

    Spanking toys


    Basic spanking toy with flat and wide surface and handle. Paddles are made of rubber, metal, wood, silicone, and other materials and can be flexible or solid. There are many different types, including fur or velvet paddles, textured, padded, with cute patterns and letters, and many more.


    Toys with a long and narrow shaft, ranging from extremely thin to heavier and causing different sensations. They can be made from natural materials such as wood, which is less painful, or synthetic like is acrylic, which hurts like hell.

    Check out spanker toys at The Sex Shed.

    DIY toys

    You can use tools you have at home, as is the hairbrush, wooden spatula, slippers, book, or belt, to spank your partner. You can also take a vibrator or dildo and give your partner some naughty spanks on the buttocks.

      Erotic spanking tips

      Improve your spanking experience with the following tips:

      Non-verbal safe symbols

      Some partners may feel overwhelmed during impact play and may not be able to express themselves verbally. Have a nonverbal signal ready, such as a double-tap, nodding with your head, or holding an object. Giving partner must pay attention to these symbols and always take care of receiving partner.

      Experiment solo

      You can enjoy spanking on your own during masturbation sessions. Stand up or go on all fours and give yourself some hard spanks while teasing yourself. Don't be afraid to use a paddle or cane or grab a DIY spanking tool like a hairbrush to really hit the right spots.

      Shift between sensations

      When you are spanking your partner, don't have the same rhythm, but change the force of the impact. Start lightly and then give them a firm and painful spank that will shock their body. Pay attention to their reaction and make sure they are comfortable with the pain level. Continue with soft spanks and add two or three hard ones again to spice up the play.


      Don't skip the aftercare when you finish spanking. Take care of your submissive partner, prepare a bubble bath for them and caress their sensitive buttocks. Apply a lotion to their irritated skin and take them to bed or sofa and cuddle with them. Talk about your experience and enjoy each other’s company.

      Click here to read a great article from Bad Girls Bible about aftercare.

      Closing thoughts

      Soft naughty spanks on your partner's butt during penetration can immediately increase their arousal. Spanking is one of the most popular and "innocent" types of impact play that can take your sex life to another level. Get your partner's consent, set boundaries, and use your hand, paddle. or even a hairbrush to show your partner the painful pleasure.