I tripped over the topic of prostate play a couple of years ago, over a lunch date. Slightly tipsy after a couple of G&T’s my GBF enthusiastically shared the “out of body” orgasm he’d experienced whilst having his prostate toyed with.
I listened intently, and it got me thinking, would my lover like it? Keen to find out more I set about learning how men can have prostate orgasms.
My limited knowledge of male anatomy propelled me to find out the basics first. The prostate seemed to be a hidden hot spot, so I set off on a quest to find out more.
I discovered that the prostate (or P-spot) is the size of a walnut and jam-packed with nerve endings. It sits just inside the anus, towards the belly button, and is located on the front wall of the rectum.
You can fly solo and toy with your own prostate, or you can have fun with a partner and explore together. Either way, it’s always good to take the time to get to know your body and discover what makes you purr with pleasure.
Solo prostate play
Set the scene by finding a private space and creating a sense of calm. Have a leisurely bath or shower beforehand, running soapy fingers over naked flesh to get yourself in the mood. Make sure your ass is clean and nails are short and clean too.
The ass doesn’t self-lubricate so you will need to apply lube to your fingers and anus. Lubricant reduces friction, prevents irritation and makes for a comfier, more pleasurable experience. Silicone-based lube is a good choice as it’s long-lasting and waterproof.
Maintain a level of awareness by listening to your own body and take your time.
You should find the prostate with a little patient probing, so gently insert a lubed-up finger into your ass. At some point you will come across a smooth walnut shaped bump - voila - the prostate!
Read more: How to train your ass for anal: Prep, foreplay, and making it feel amazing
Partner prostate play
If you’re planning on engaging in bum fun with your partner, have an open chat beforehand. Discuss and agree consent, talk about expectations and boundaries and disclose any medical conditions that may interfere with play. You’ll also need to identify a safe word/signal.
As with solo play, if you’re the one on the receiving end make sure your butt is clean before you start. If you’re the giver, file sharp nails and scrub your hands. Remove rings to prevent injury, and if hygiene is a priority pull on a medical grade latex glove.
If you’re tense, prostate play can be uncomfortable so spend time together engaging in foreplay. When I play with my lover’s prostate we begin with kissing and caressing, and move on to stroking each other’s genitals.
As his shaft stiffens, I massage his perineum and playfully toy with his rim. My lover’s pleasured moans tell me he wants more so I insert first one, and then two fingers into his hole.
Watch: A Beginner's Guide to Prostate Orgasms
Techniques for prostate play
Prostate play is more than just sticking a finger or two into an ass. There’s a variety of techniques and positions you can employ to make things more interesting.
Let’s start with a good fingering and try the come-hither fingers. Direct and simple, this technique involves inserting a lubricated finger or two into the rectum. I use a come-hither motion, moving my fingers as if I am beckoning someone to come closer. I adopt a slow, rhythmical movement, to keep things light, and keep up the motion until my lover is ready to shoot his load.
Another good method involves applying external pressure to the perineum (the delicate skin located between the anus and genitals. I use three fingers (my middle, ring and pointer fingers), and apply firm but gentle pressure as I press against the perineum. I vary the technique by rubbing the area in a circular motion, circling my fingers forward and then backward for added fun. I’ve heard that rhythmical tapping works well too, so I’ll give that a go next time.
If my fingers get tired, I can always switch to a prostate massagers. Designed to stimulate and tease the P-spot, the curved devices allow hands free fun.
You’ll find a variety of shapes and sizes, and can buy manual or vibrating massagers. I always opt for a toy made from smooth, non-porous material, and it must have a flared base to ensure it doesn’t get stuck up the bum! A visit to a busy ER is never a good way to end a play session.
Alternatively, you could try pegging and anal penetration. Thrusting a cock, dildo or strap-on into the ass can prove to be exhilarating for the giver and receiver. You might need to play around with angle and depth to get the right feel, but it will be worth it.
Read more: How to peg your partner: A complete guide to pegging and strap-on sex - tips
The intimacy of the act, combined with penetration and prostate pleasure should serve to provide a shuddering and memorable climax.
Positions for prostate play
You can try out a range of positions to facilitate prostate play. One of the easiest is the lie back, legs up position. As the name suggests, simply lie back and lift your legs up in the air for stress-free access to the prostate with deep penetration.
If you’re a fan of doggy you’re in luck, as this position lends itself well to prostate play too. Get down on all fours, sticking your ass out and making your hole available for your lover. This one also gives easy entry and allows for deep penetration too.
Alternatively, you can lie face down on the bed for a relaxed approach to prostate stimulation.
Finally, we have the lap dance and yoga inspired happy baby positions. For the lap dance you will need to lower yourself onto the finger(s), cock, dildo or strap-on. This one can be tricky at first but you control the angel, depth and pace, so take your time.
Happy baby is a fun one to master, and involves opening the legs in a V-shape before bringing the feet together. Happy baby is great for direct and effective P-spot stimulation, but you’ll need a degree of balance to hold still!
Prostate play your way
My guy gets rock solid when I play with his cock, and loves to penetrate my pussy.
However, he rates prostate stimulation high on his go-to list of sexual pleasure, stating the sensations as deep and intense. That said, P-spot play doesn’t come easy to all so don’t be despondent if you’re not rewarded with a knee-trembling orgasm.
Read more: Prostate Vs Penile Orgasms: What’s The Difference?
When it comes to sex and responsiveness, we’re all different - what turns one person on will switch one person off. Sexploration should be fun, so focus on getting to know your body (specifically your ass) by engaging in bum fun with zero pressure.
Discover new and exciting feelings, and erogenous zones. Make it all about the ass play journey rather than focusing on the shoot-your-load destination, and look forward to a prostate induced orgasm.
Read more: What is prostate milking?