I love straddling my lover and riding his cock, and I’m partial to lying back whilst he licks out my pussy with his skillful tongue. Both oral and vaginal sex tick my box, but when I’m in the mood for a more sexually intense experience, anal is my go-to.
With more nerve endings than you shake your booty at, the rectum and anus are highly sensitive. Fingers, tongues, sex toys and cocks can all provide back door pleasure, and when my lover teases or fucks my ass, I’m usually rewarded with a loud and squelchy orgasm.
As well as being intensely pleasurable, anal is versatile too. Suitable for both vagina and penis owners, solo and partner play, bum fun is universal and loved by many.
If you haven’t tried it before, the idea of back ally action can be daunting. However, when done with care, and preparation, anal can be amazing.
I’ll tell you what you need to do to become an anal superstar, and how to train your ass for anal.
Why is anal so pleasurable?
We already know that the anal area is awash with nerve endings, causing intense and pleasurable sensations when you stimulate the butt.
Penis owners also benefit from the arousal of the prostate, while vagina owners revel in stimulation of the vaginal wall and indirect arousal of the clitoral bulbs and crura.
The physical side of anal will give you a buzz, but the psychological element can play a part too. Anal is an intimate act, and to some it still seems taboo or even dirty.
The idea of crossing the line, breaking a taboo or doing something naughty can be enough to add an extra thrill to sex.
Read more: Let’s Talk Anal Sex: Who’s Doing It (And Why)
Anal training methods
The sphincter (the ring-shaped muscle that keeps your butt hole closed) is naturally tight. If you’re new to ass play and sex, you will need to do some anal training in advance to prep your butt hole by widening and stretching it.
Insertion practice is the way to go. Forget the mammoth XXL giant alien dildo’s, leave that to the porn stars and seasoned anal players.
You need to start small, so kick off your anal training with one finger (and then two when you’re feeling brave). Toys are useful too - size-wise small is best so opt for a narrow and short butt plug to begin with.
Save bigger dildos, plugs and real cocks for a later date. You can explore once you have built confidence and got used to the feel of something inside your ass.
Read more: How to recognize anal safe sex toys?
Preparing your ass for anal
It goes without saying, a clean derriere is a must, so use the toilet and empty your bowels before you attempt anal. It’s also a good idea to have a bath or shower before you hand your butt to your lover.
If you want to go the extra mile, anal duche can clean things out on the inside too. A simple bulb enema does the job, and plenty of people find it gives them extra peace of mind.
Foreplay is always a winner as a starter for both vaginal and anal sex. If you’re playing solo focus on your erogenous zones and let your fingers and hands do the talking by touching yourself to turn yourself on.
If you’re gearing up for fun with your lover, ease yourself in by stripping off, and then get the party started with long lingering kisses, caring caresses, and sensual strokes.
I love a massage, and I’m a lucky girl as my lover knows how to give an amazing sacral massage. He spends time stroking, kneading and rubbing my lower back, working over my muscles and easing any tension.
I’m usually left feeling relaxed and he often moves to my ass, giving up a good rub before cheekily slipping a finger into my hole.
Relaxation is the key to successful anal, and it’s not always easy to achieve. If your partner gets too tense, they will find it uncomfortable and the muscles might involuntarily contract.
Take your time and build up slowly, using butt plugs to train your ass. I started with a small, narrow plug that fitted nicely into my hole. Wearing it felt strange at first and I only wore it for a short time, but it was a positive start.
From there, I lengthened the time I wore the plug - carrying out day to day activities while wearing it. Suddenly laundry, and the train commute to work, were much more interesting!
Bigger plugs were used over time and I found my ass began to be more accommodating.
Read more: How to use a butt plug for anal beginners
Anal methods and ideas
Anal sex is so much more than just bending over and taking it up the bum! There are plenty of ways to play, using fingers, toys, tongues, and penises.
Penetrate with a finger or two (no fisting yet, leave that to the seasoned players) and try tickling with the tongue. Use your tongue to gently lick, lap, tease and tickle all around the butt hole and alternate between fingers and tongue to vary the sensations.
You can also arouse the ass with a sex toy. Try a small and smooth dildo to start things in the right way, rubbing the toy over the butt cheeks and the crack of the ass.
Vibrators can be enjoyable too, and they come in a host of styles and sizes. Again, if you’re new to bum fun go for a smaller size to ease into play. Try out the controls for yourself or if there’s a remote, hand it to your lover and let them take over the speed and intensity.
Whilst anal is great on its own, adding pussy play to the mix is even more fun. I love it when my lover teases my butt while using his other hand to stroke and caress my pussy, fingering the lips and pushing a finger or two deep inside.
Sometimes he uses a vibrator to tickle my clit as he plunges his shaft into my ass. Anal beads are great too. I find it a huge turn on when my man pushes the smooth beads into my ass, and orders me to play with my pussy while he pulls them back out, one by one.
Read more: 27 fingering techniques: How to finger vagina, anus & prostate
Top tips for amazing anal
Let’s start with the priority for all types of play and sex - keeping it SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual). Always talk to your partner before you get into anything, this “negotiation” allows you to share ideas, expectations, and concerns.
You’ll also need to set boundaries and identify a safe word/signal to indicate proceedings should slow or stop completely. Check in with your partner frequently during play/sex to make sure they are doing ok.
If you’re contemplating anal with a lover, try to play on yourself first. This will help you figure out what feels good and provide a better understanding of the whole experience.
If you’ve never put a finger up your own butt, give it a go! Get some lube and ease your digit in to see how it feels.
Whilst I’m on the subject of lube, you’ll definitely need some for a successful anal. The vagina gets nice and wet naturally, producing its own lube to ease penetration. Sadly, the anus does not.
Lube will help to protect your anal tissue and make the whole experience more comfortable and pleasurable. I’ve outlined the three main types of lube further on, so you can suss out the best way to get that much needed slide and glide.
Anal can be tricky even if you’re both excited and revved up for it. Don’t get worked up if things don’t work out the first time around; you can stop at any time and revisit. Trying out different scenarios and methods, extending foreplay and using more lube can all help.
Aftercare is key too. Check in with each other afterwards and offer plenty of TLC. Anal is intense for both parties, so you might want to share quality downtime afterwards. Grab a snack, have a drink, enjoy a cuddle - do what feels right for both of you.
Read more: 11 Aftercare tips, ideas, and rituals to try
Anal lube for slide and glide
There are three main types of lubes, water based, silicone based and oil based.
Water based lube is a popular choice as it’s safe to use with condoms, easy to clean up, usually affordable, and not too harsh on skin. You might need to reapply the lube during play, as water based can dry up quite quickly, but that can add to the fun!
Silicone based lube provides a silkier and some might say slightly more luxurious feel than its water-based alternative. The smooth texture goes on well and the lube lasts a while, so you won’t have to keep reapplying it.
This type of lube is also safe to use with condoms and typically won’t irritate sensitive skin. On the downside silicone lube can be pricier and the liquid is thicker it could stain your clothing or bedding. It’s also worth pointing out that silicone lube should not be used with silicone toys.
Finally, we have oil-based lube, which is thought of by many as an opulent choice. Velvet smooth, oil-based lubricant glides on well and doubles up as a great massage oil for foreplay.
It’s worth checking the ingredients, usually you’ll find a list of natural components such as coconut oil, but keep an eye out for allergens. Whilst oil-based lube feels good, it should never be used with latex condoms, as the oil can damage the sheath.
Read more: 28 Orgasmic Anal Sex Positions (+ Pictures) For Wild, Intense Sex
Amazing anal for all
Bum fun can be amazing, but I would highly recommend training your ass for anal if you want an enjoyable and pleasurable experience.
It’s not always easy, especially when you’re new but with clear communication, patience and care anal can be amazing for all.