As a submissive in a 24/7 D/s relationship, I wear a collar to signify my commitment to my Dominant. The collar plays a huge part in our consensual power dynamic; it’s symbolic of my submission and indicates my Dominant's ownership of me.
Others use collars and leashes during play to enhance a BDSM scene, as part of role-play, e.g. pet play, or to heighten sexual fun.
I have a day collar and a play collar, and on occasion, my Dom will clip a leash to my play collar and lead me around the room. Attaching a leash to my collar brings us both great pleasure and enhances our D/s dynamic.
If you like the idea of trying out this type of play, read on to find out how to use a BDSM collar and leash. I’ve included handy tips for choosing the right collar and leash, along with a few BDSM ideas and scenarios.
Collar and leash styles
You’ll find an abundance of collars available, from delicate, easy-to-wear collars that resemble necklaces to thick, heavy collars with embellishments such as O-Rings and sharp spikes.
The type you choose should be representative of your dynamic and fit with your play needs.
The different collars include the consideration collar, training collar, and the permanent collar, which may be switched from a day collar to a play collar.
The consideration collar is worn by the submissive to indicate that a D/s relationship is being considered by the Dom and sub. If both parties decide to explore a dynamic, the consideration collar is typically replaced by a training collar.
The permanent collar is worn by the sub to symbolise a long-term D/s dynamic.
The day collar often resembles a necklace and is discreet enough to be worn out in public. The day collar can be switched for a play collar in preparation for a BDSM scene – this helps the Dom and sub get into the right headspace and can enhance the fun.
Collars and leashes come in a range of materials, styles, and colors.
You’ll find thin, delicate collars made from metal or fabric, which are perfect for day-to-day wear. If you’re seeking something more hardcore, you can opt for a chunky padded leather collar or a wide shiny metal version.
While some collars are simple in design, others are fitted with a range of embellishments and features. You’ll find collars with padlocks attached, spiky collars, glow-in-the-dark collars, and even collars that deliver rousing electrical shocks.
If you’re going to use a leash, you’ll need a collar with an O-ring. You’ll find a variety of leashes available to use with your collar too. Choose from fabric, metallic chain, or leather.
How to use a collar and leash to enhance BDSM play
Leashes are simple to use, provided the collar has an O-ring, you can clip the leash to the collar and you’re ready to lead your submissive astray.
Before you get overly excited and head off to drag your sub around the room, you’ll need to establish consent and set the ground rules.
Using a collar and leash requires trust, and you’ll both need to be on the same page before you begin to play. Communication is essential, so talk through your play ideas in advance.
Read: 7 BDSM ideas and scenarios to explore
You both need to consent, and you should also discuss expectations (what you would like to happen) and boundaries (what you do not like or want). Safe words and signals are important too, so make sure you identify these up front and use them during the scene if needed.
Once you’re both happy and comfortable, you can kick off play.
Creative scenarios for collars and leashes
The collar and leash can be used in a variety of ways depending on your dynamic or scene. If you’re new to this type of play, keep it simple to begin with.
Set the tone by asking your partner to kneel, and then place the collar around their neck (if they aren’t already wearing it). Clip on the leash and gently tug your partner to their feet, allowing them to get used to the feel of being on a lead.
If the collar and leash are part of your sexual play, you can lead your lover around on their leash before guiding them towards the bedroom.
Tug your partner down to a kneeling position before directing their face to your genitals and instructing them to suck or blow you. You can use the leash to keep control, and once you’ve had enough of oral, move your lover to the bed for a hot sex session under your command.
You can also use the collar and leash to enhance a BDSM scene or as part of role-play.
Restrain your partner by securing their wrists with handcuffs behind their back, and then pull them around the room, or leave their hands free and instruct them to carry a tray of drinks as you guide them to the table.
Read: How to use handcuffs during sex and BDSM: Ideas and scenarios
I love it when my Dom attaches a leash to my collar before a spanking session. I find the added humiliation of wearing a collar and leash increases my excitement.
As my Dom uses the leash to guide me to the spanking bench, I feel the unmistakable flutter between my legs. I’m pulled unceremoniously over the bench before a flurry of spanks are applied to my bare cheeks.
I squeal, but my Dom doesn’t stop until my cheeks are crimson, and then he drags me to the corner, where I face the wall and await further instructions.
Read: 9 spanking positions ideas & tips
The collar and leash also lend themselves well to pet play. If you’re unfamiliar with this form of BDSM role-play, pet play involves the sub pretending to be an animal, e.g., a dog, and the Dom acting as the handler.
The sub can be taken for a walk on the leash, and if the Dom is feeling particularly mean they may force the sub to eat and drink from a doggy bowl or go outside to cock their leg for pee.
Wear your collar and leash with pride
Whether you are part of a 24/7 D/s dynamic, are keen to enhance the BDSM scene, fancy being a dog for the day, or you simply want to boost sexual fun, collars and leashes are worth a try.
There are plenty of styles, so check out what will work for you and don’t be afraid to explore - wear your collar and leash with pride.
Frequently asked questions about BDSM collars
How do I introduce a collar and leash to a partner without it being awkward?
Talk about it first. Describe what you want to try, who’s in charge, and what would feel hot vs. what’s off-limits. Agree safe words/signals and a short “starter” scene (e.g., kneel → collar on → gentle tug to stand). Start slow - low-tension leash, soft voice commands, and debrief afterwards.
Which collar and leash should we buy for our first time?
Pick a collar that matches your intent: thin/metal or fabric for a discreet day collar, padded leather or chunky collars for play. If you plan to use a leash, make sure the collar has a sturdy O‑ring. For leashes, soft fabric or leather are beginner-friendly; chains are heavier and less forgiving. Consider allergies, comfort, and whether you want lockable hardware or embellishments.
How should a collar fit and how do I keep it safe?
Fit snugly but not choking: you should be able to slide two fingers comfortably between neck and collar. Check for pinching, rubbing, or hot spots. Avoid pulling up on a collar in a way that compresses the airway; never use a leash to lift someone by the neck. Inspect hardware before play and keep scissors or a quick‑release nearby if you’re using locks.
What safety rules and signals should we set before leash play?
Consent, boundaries, and safe words/signals are essential. Pick a verbal safe word and a nonverbal signal for when a mouth is occupied (e.g., three taps). Agree scene limits (no biting, no public exposure, duration limits). Check circulation and breathing during play and pause often for check‑ins. Have aftercare plans for both partners.
What are easy collar-and-leash scenarios for beginners?
Simple starters: kneel → collar on → leash tug to stand and lead to the bedroom; leash-guided oral play; tray-waiter service while on lead; gentle leading to a spanking bench for impact play; light pet play (walking, praise, simple commands). Keep scenes scripted at first so everyone knows what to expect.
Can I wear a collar all the time or in public?
It depends on your dynamic and comfort. “Day collars” are designed to be discreet and worn outside; permanent collars are symbolic of long-term commitment and should be negotiated. Always consider safety (sleeping, medical checks, airport security) and privacy - wearing a collar publicly can invite attention. Discuss boundaries with your Dom/sub and choose what feels right for you both.