Life’s too short for boring sex. Why stick to the same positions and play with the same toys when you can mix things up? I’ve recently tried a great tool with my partner, an innocuous-looking bar designed to keep the legs wide apart.

The spreader bars proved to be a hit and we’ve been playing with our new toy at every opportunity.

What is a spreader bar?

It’s fair to say the spreader bar is a simple beast, to sum it up, it’s a metal bar with cuffs at each end, but you can use it in many interesting ways.

The cuffs are usually used to secure the ankles and once fitted, the bar can be extended to spread the legs and keep them apart. The spreader bar can also keep the arms extended and apart, with the cuffs fastened to the wrists to restrict movement. 

Spreader bars are often used in BDSM (Bondage, Dominance/Discipline, Sadism/Submission, Masochism), as part of a power exchange dynamic or purely for play.

The Dominant can restrict the movement of their submissive by using the spreader bar to keep wrists bound and legs open. You don’t have to be a full-on kinkster to enjoy using a spreader bar.

Some people just like to use a bar to add zing to sexual shenanigans and make intercourse more interesting. 

A versatile toy, the spreader bar can be used by all genders and orientations.

When my partner and I play, he uses the spreader bar on me, to keep my legs apart and prevent me from moving around. When I first tried it out it felt a little weird knowing I couldn’t close my legs.

I felt exposed and vulnerable, lying there like a naked starfish with my pussy on show for all to see. 

My partner informs me it’s great fun taking control, and he always has a big smile on his face when fitting the bar. He likes to manipulate play and can move me around by twisting and moving the spreader.

He loves to make the most of full access to intimate areas and uses fingers, hands, and toys to torment and tease. 

Basic tips for playing with spreader bars 

If you’re new to using spreader bars it’s worth browsing online or checking out your local sex store to get an idea of what’s on offer.

Watch a video clip of a spreader bar being used, and when you get your hands on your own bar play with it before you  use it to familiarize yourselves with the toy.  

Before you get spreading, you’ll need to discuss play ideas and scenarios with your other half.

This is the time to talk about your expectations, discuss boundaries, and introduce a safe word/signal. When you’re ready to give the bar a go, find a private place where you won’t be disturbed. 

You don’t have to rush into play. Before we use the spreader bar my lover and I spend time enjoying foreplay first. We kiss, fondle, caress, and grope one another to set the scene and get in the mood.

You might prefer to try out the spreader bar for a short spell first, so have fun locking it onto wrists and then ankles to experience how it feels. 

Start slowly, don’t be tempted to open the bar to its full capacity (however tempting that seems), if the bar is too wide your lover might struggle.

As your lover gets tired their limbs will contract, so ankles will be pushed into cuffs and cuffs will be pushed into spreader bars, which may prove uncomfortable and spoil the experience.

Different types of spreader bars 

We have two spreader bars in our toy bag at the moment. One is a fixed bar with cuffs at each end, the other is an expandable version with cuffs that can be adjusted depending on the length you like.

I know at least two other friends have something similar at home, and they seem to enjoy the bar as much as I do.

The expandable spreader is a versatile tool, and we’ve tried out a range of sex positions using this naughty toy. 

The fixed spreader bar is slightly different in the sense you cannot adjust the length, so you will be stuck with your ankles or wrists a set distance apart.

If you’re thinking of purchasing a fixed spreader bar you’ll need to measure first. If the bar is too short you won’t enjoy the benefit of the spread, and if it’s too long you may experience discomfort. 

You should also check if the spreader bar comes with wrist and ankle restraints.

If it does you won’t have to spend any of your hard-earned cash buying a pair. If not, you’ll need to go cuff shopping (don’t forget to check if you need carabiner clips too). 

Read: How to use sex restraints: list, how-to, scenarios

Whichever design you go for, be it a fixed spreader bar, adjustable bar, one with cuffs or one without, you should always invest in a quality product.

Cheap isn’t always cheerful, especially when it comes to sex toys, so opt for a high-quality product that’s been manufactured to high standards. 

Spreader bar positions

Any toy that adds a new dimension to the bedroom gets my thumbs up, and the spreader bar does that. You can use the bar in a variety of ways, here are a few of my fave spreader bar positions…

Classic missionary 

The classic missionary position always holds a special place in my heart. Lie back and relax as your lover pushes your legs apart and clips the cuffs to your ankles.

With the bar stretched between you won’t be able to close your legs but you will be able to enjoy letting your lover take control.

Take pleasure in the sensation of his cock thrusting in and out, and once you get used to the feeling encourage your lover to lift the bar slightly, raising your legs and thighs to provide more intensity. 

Doggy style 

You might need a bit of balance for this one, but doggy-style spreader bar sex will leave you panting for more.

Attach the cuffs to the ankles and set the spreader bar at a reasonable length so the legs are nicely apart. You can then bend the sub over a bed or chair and play with their pussy, cock or ass. 

On the front 

This one can be done in two ways depending on your level of flexibility. For both, you’ll need to attach the cuffs to the ankles and will be bent over with your ass in the air.

I like to use pillows under my tummy to raise and showcase my wares, this also allows my lover better access to my pussy and butt.

To take this one stage further you can try looping your arms beneath your body and extending them back between your knees. If you have enough flexibility, you can attach wrist cuffs and attach the cuffs to the spreader bar too. 

This position is not for the faint-hearted, but it leaves you feeling extremely vulnerable and I find it thrilling.

If you find it too intense you can take things down a notch by asking your lover to thread a rope between the wrist cuffs and the spreader bar. This will allow for more wiggle room and flexibility. 

Squatting

Squatting is another rather intense position you might want to try once you’ve practiced using the spreader bar a few times. Turn the spreader bar to a vertical position and attach the wrists to one end, and the ankles to the other.

Unless you’re exceptionally short you’ll have to squat or haunch to maintain this position, so expect some level of discomfort. 

Down on all fours 

This submissive position lends itself well to those who need to be reminded of their place. You’ll need two spreader bars, one for the ankles and one for the wrists.

Down on all fours is not the comfiest or easiest position to maintain but you should be able to hold it for a short time and it will be worth the discomfort.

With legs spread, there will be full access to the genitals and ass too, perfect for naughty fun. 

Collar and cuffs 

The bar doesn’t have to stay at ankle level to maximize fun, you can use the spreader bar with a collar and cuffs to restrict upper body movement.

When we play in this way my lover takes command, placing the collar around my neck and clipping my wrists into the cuffs. The spreader bar is attached to the rear of the collar and the cuffs are attached to the bar too. 

If the bar has an extra ring my partner enjoys attaching it to something high such as the ceiling. This lifts my arms behind me, and the collar around my neck tightens a little. 

If you’re new to BDSM and this type of play I’d skip this idea for a while, I consider it a stress position, and while I get a kick out of it, it might be too much for newbies. 

Reach up high 

The spreader bar can also be used to extend and raise the arms, keeping them secure and out of the way. For this, you’ll need a bar with a ring and somewhere to attach it to high up, such as the ceiling or a door frame.

Get the sub to stand with their arms extended out front and cuff their wrists. Once the cuffs are attached to the bar, lift it high and attach the bar to the ceiling. 

This position isn’t too stressful for the sub, but it will leave them feeling vulnerable and exposed – especially if you strip them naked first.

All they can do is hang around while you fondle, caress, and toy with them. Don’t leave your sub like this for too long, as they may grow tired and put too much weight on the bar. 

Double spreader 

For this one, you’re going to get greedy and use two spreader bars rather than one.

Attach the wrists to one spreader bar and the ankles to another. Your partner is now firmly secure at both ends and left at your mercy. I've tried this out a few times and I love the sense of helplessness it invokes. 

Bound at the wrist and ankles and unable to counter any moves, I am left lying or standing and waiting patiently for my lover to touch me, play with me, and use me. 

Spreader bars with other toys 

There are plenty of goodies you can use to complement your spreader bar experience.

Turn your lover into a submissive with collars and leashes, or add mouth gags to stop your lover from moaning, groaning, and squealing. Nipple clamps are exquisite too and provide a torturous touch to sensitive areas, or ram a butt plug up your partner’s ass and watch them squirm. 

If you’re feeling mean torture your lover with wand vibrators and take then to the edge of a memorable orgasm before stopping. Stop and start until they are desperate for you to make them cum. 

Read: How to use a vibrator with a partner during sex

Spreader bars and cages  

As a BDSM fan I’ve experienced being in a cage on several occasions. I like being confined and unable to move around freely. If you add a spreader bar into the mix you will feel even more restricted.

You will have to assess the size of the cage before fitting a spreader, to make sure the sub can fit. That said, challenging your sub to fit their own spreader bar can be fun, especially if you know they are going to struggle.

Spreader bars and role-play

Incorporate the spreader bar into role play by engaging in kinky scenarios such as interrogation, abduction, and prisoner / guard.

You can use costumes and props to make the scene more authentic and get into the right mindset by adopting a character from the off. 

Use the spreader bar to place your prisoner in a stress position while you intimidate them with intimate questions, or carry out a strip search, ensuring the legs are kept apart for a thorough examination. 

Ready, spread, go…

Spread your legs for sexy fun. The spreader bar is a welcome addition to any toy box and can be used by all genders and orientations.