Just because you’re flying solo it doesn’t mean you can’t have lots of kinky fun. You can tease and torment yourself in lots of naughty ways to enhance self-pleasure and deepen self-awareness.
Before you start tying yourself in knots or giving yourself a good smack, you’ll need to know how to try BDSM alone.
I’ll give you the lowdown on how to get your kink on when you’re by yourself along with a few solo BDSM ideas and scenarios to get you started.
Self-bondage
Tying yourself up sounds tricky, but like most things in life, you should get the hang of it with patience and practice.
The best part is that you get to experience how it feels to be restrained and also learn how to do it, so it’s a win-win!
You can use a range of restraints from silk scarves to ropes and cuffs, and you’ll find some methods easier than others.
Read: How to use sex restraints: list, how-to, scenarios
Handcuffs are pretty straightforward but always opt for quick release so you can escape when you need to.
For an artier restraint technique, try bondage rope. As a rope bunny, I’m regularly tied by my Rigger partner and I adore the feeling of rope wrapped around my limbs.
If you’re self-tying keep it simple with basic knots around your leg, and practice tying and untying until you feel confident. When you get the hang of that try out a simple rope harness.
As with all BDSM acts, safety is key.
Remember it’s self-bondage, so you won’t have anyone to help you if you get stuck (unless you’ve invited a special friend or two to watch your antics). You’ll need to keep at least one hand free to secure and release your limbs from the binds you choose.
Make sure cuffs are fitted with a quick-release mechanism and if you’re using rope or another material you will need a way to cut yourself free if there’s an issue.
Keep safety shears in reach and a mobile phone just in case!
Sensory play and sensory deprivation
It’s more challenging to engage in sensory deprivation when alone but it can be done.
Using an eye mask as a bondage blindfold, or pulling bondage masks and hoods over my head helps me to block out the world so I can focus on pleasuring myself.
Not being able to see is a real turn-on as it heightens my other senses and I can let my imagination run wild as I stroke my naked skin or use vibrators to tease my pussy.
Headphones and earplugs work well too, as they cancel out the background noise of everyday life. I’ll sometimes listen to audio porn if I’m looking for an extra thrill, or soft, sensual music if I’m keen to relax in the moment.
Props come in handy too when you’re engaging in sensory play. Dragging vampire gloves and scratching tools or Wartenberg pinwheels over naked skin can prove exhilarating. Vary the sensations by interweaving the harshness of spikes with the gentle touch of feather ticklers or a silky material.
Read: 17 sensation play ideas (and 2 scenarios to try)
Temperature play comes into its own here too. Trail a freezing ice cube over bare skin for a chilling thrill and then warm yourself up with a hot water bottle or heat pad to soothe.
If you’re feeling brave you can try out wax play on yourself, but make sure you put a drop sheet down to protect the area and only use body-safe wax play candles.
Soy wax candles melt at a lower temperature, and when you’re ready for something more intense you can give paraffin candles a go.
Impact play
You don’t have to delve into the depths of self-flagellation to engage in impact play, this is more about pain meeting pleasure than pure penance.
As a big fan of impact play, I love the feeling of floggers or spanking paddles being brought down on my body.
The strike brings a painful sting or thud and I usually groan or yelp, before the endorphins kick in and I experience the familiar, exciting tingling I love.
If you’re going to hit yourself don’t grab a cane and start mercilessly hitting. It’s better to start light to get used to the sensation before increasing the intensity.
You can use a flogger or paddle to gently tap the safe parts of your body, we’re talking the soft fleshy areas rather than bony bits!
Read: How to use a spanking paddle? Scenarios and how to (techniques)
You should be able to strike your thighs, back, chest, and genitals, and with a little bit of practice you should be able to land a few impressive swats on the buttocks too.
Dress in sexy undies and wiggle out of your panties for added naughtiness.
Erotic humiliation and mental play
Humiliating yourself by forcing yourself to participate in erotic acts can be excruciatingly good fun.
There are plenty of things you can do to make yourself blush, such as inserting a butt plug just before you head off to dinner with your friends.
Read: How to use a butt plug for anal beginners
They won’t notice your discomfort, but you’ll be well aware of the toy inserted in your ass.
I like to torment myself by not wearing any undies under a short black dress, or if I’m feeling daring, I might nip out to the local shop wearing a belted raincoat, boots, a smile, and nothing else.
The thrill of making myself do something naughty turns me on. I’ve also played around with mental BDSM by standing in the corner for a set amount of time or cleaning my own boots with my tongue.
I’m not sure I enjoy it quite as much as a solo venture, but it’s interesting to explore these kinky ideas.
Aftercare for solo BDSM
When you’re playing solo, you need to look after yourself. Adopt a robust self-care routine involving acts that soothe and relax you.
This could be wrapping yourself in a blanket or enjoying a tasty snack or drink. Indulge yourself with a long, leisurely bubble bath, or lose yourself in your fave novel.
Whatever you decide to do, be kind to yourself after solo BDSM play.